It came to me this morning that I’ve used the word “fair” often in my lifetime.   I don’t recall saying it so much as a child, but I certainly do remember how sincerely earnest I was with being fair to my sons…I didn’t want to short-change either one of them.    I also recall I used to ask them, rhetorically, “Do you think this is fair?”, or “Am I being fair?”, or something like that.  I know I drove it home too, because all too often I’d hear “That’s Not Fair!”  And, of course, I was quick to point out,  “Who said life was fair?”….and this was rhetorical to me!

I think others can identify when they grow up and maybe didn’t like some particular behavior of their parent(s),  they vowed they’d never do ‘that’ when they became parents!  In my own way, I think this “Fair” recollection was my way of bringing up how I felt I was treated as a youngster and may not have identified it so consciously, but brought it forward in my own parenting intent.

In one of my books I wrote about ‘chips’ people wear on their shoulders.  I’m coming in touch with what may be a very large chip on my own shoulder regarding what I perceived as lack of fair treatment in my childhood, and it may be the integral piece to the ‘why do I sound so angry?’ a lot of the time when I get passionate about things.

So, I asked myself, “Kaye, do you think you have been treated fairly much of the time in your lifetime?”   I spoke my mind from a very early age, but when under  parental rule, it was ineffectual.  In my adulthood, I carried my own torch.  I was quick to answer, in the workplace I was treated fairly. I was comfortable standing my own ground when I felt it was necessary.  I believe in my schooldays I was treated fairly. I don’t recall ever feeling unjustly punished or being bullied.  But, when it came to looking at all the other times in my life, there is no question…by virtue of how I can pick out INSTANCE EASILY…that I felt misjudged, manipulated when I couldn’t stand up for myself properly, relegated (as in being put below ‘company’ when they came to stay at our home), defined as a certain ‘type’ of child by innuendo, or mimicked and belittled at times.   This isn’t fair treatment by standard.  When I query myself about my adulthood, considering the choices I’ve made – good and not-so-good – I think I brought a lot upon myself and even encouraged  it as a form of daring to those who witnessed it…’will you still like me if….’!  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know how a person with low self-worth behaves!

Thankfully and to my utmost joy, there are many fair-minded people who have recognized my ‘do-over’ and through time and consistency, I have been able to come to respectable terms with myself.

TO MAKE THIS STORY SHORTER:  I’m a big girl now, I know what I deserve, I try to make it a point to clarify my feelings when I get the gut-wrench warning, and above all, I know how I treat myself and how I must be treated...So, Little and Big Kaye  acknowledge that it is paramount I make absolutely certain  – and this is in my control – that I am treated fairly.

For sure, Life is not Fair, by virtue of the fluidity of it and the countless interference from Nurture and Nature.  But today, the day before Memorial Day, I am rolling out the red carpet for me.  In honorable memory of everything before today, I salute myself for my resilience and strength and unwavering Faith.  Concurrently, I salute myself in my own parade of appointment to MY LIFE, the treasure trove of experiences and learning lessons which, again, have enabled me to push deeper to my authenticity and declare my Freedom.  I hold no one and nothing hostage that will impede me from celebrating my glorious greatness as a Created Being.   I have settled the heretofore unsettled scales of my own  personal injustices.  I now declare, “I’m Good To Go…AS-IS!”   This is a fair-minded statement!

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.