Self-Realization

Life can appear as a whirlwind sometimes…and if I let my thoughts pick up and attach and define, I do myself a true disservice.

I’ve been able to observe change, my ego’s attempts to disrupt me even more, and my ability to hold the course of desired peace in my heart.

I am filled with relief, and gratitude, and pleasant surprise, self-awareness, and astounding presence. I believe I have taken a step upward in learning, i.e., upward in the vertical(spiritual) dimension, as against a traditional effort in the horizontal (human) dimension. I have made a conscious decision to hand over the reins and allow my Deep I to lead me. For those readers who are followers of Eckhart Tolle, you will understand what I mean here.

My understanding and spiritual progress is within me and that’s where it belongs.  There doesn’t have to be testament to the intricacies of my process.

It would seem I have created a conundrum or a contradiction; however, I’m merely trying to exemplify what a satisfying experience it is to hold inside myself the ‘meat and potatoes’ of my spiritual progress as I’m writing this blog, yet I want others to also know that it is occurring. I want to give others hope if they have been searching for relief in their own lives and have yet to receive it that it does come and at precisely the right time…CONTINUE IN FAITH.

Now more than ever I intend to keep my own counsel with the understanding that to explode all to the outside does in fact have a diluting effect to a point.  I’m feeling my strength impacting me within and it’s accompanied with a silent understandng that ego must stand down.

I hope this blog can be helpful.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

There are some things which are beyond definition

and explanation.  This may be one such time.     Gaya

 

 

I’ve been realizing these days that I am the only one who can give myself peace of mind.  This said, I don’t spend much time mulling things in my mind which wastes my time…if I observe myself doing it. I try to be more centered on thoughts that fill me up with enthusiasm for life and doing things which project my optimism moment by moment.  I really do spend a great deal of time expressing my gratitude for so many things.

I wrote a poster not long ago which defined “Commitment” as no other option.  Gosh, believing this makes life even simpler, albeit more serious as well.  To me it’s satisfying that I can propose options to myself to most everything when it comes to choices.  Subsequently, I already know  that I will like the outcome because of the intentional actions I take.

I can take  mystery out of my life on a daily basis, and welcome what presents to me which is the joy of living in the NOW. And, when I am then faced with more choices, I can review what I will and won’t commit to, and what I will allow occupancy in my day for the entertainment and pleasantry for as long as I wish.

We all know worry does nothing but upset us.  We also know that acceptance is a key to streamlining our days and relaxing in the flow of the action.  I also keep reminding myself that it is I who dictates where I will stand…I am not a tree, I can move around any which way to get my footing and reposition myself.  Like I said in one of my books, I believe if I made my bed I have to sleep in it; however, I can move it around any way I want in this process.  Nothing is so ultimate except death….and perhaps regret,

I have a friend staying with me for 6 weeks.  We both made a commitment to make it work. We don’t know each other very well,  so we are customizing our positions with pure consideration for each other.  This isn’t always easy, but we continue to remind ourselves that we committed to the arrangement for our individual reasons.  I’m glorifying my position in this, because I  have begun to realize what it takes to commit to something/someone and how important my word and actions are.  They are absolute!!  I am proud of myself and also, I am learning such vital lessons yet to learn this late in my life about how to make the best of everything.  I have been given a great personal life  opportunity by fulfilling this commitment. I realize how instrumental I am about everything in my daily life and how it affects me and others.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

Gratitude is a Connection to Everything.   ~Gaya

 

 

 

 

We see what we see…why can’t we leave it at that?!

When we go to the woods, we expect to see trees, lots of them, different varieties perhaps, along with other plantings like ferns and moss and maybe a variety of vines. A forest is a forest. What we watch out for is poison ivy or poison oak!

If we suffer from allergies,  we know exactly what to do to fend off the symptoms of our pollen or food reactions.

If we’re not a good swimmer, we stay out of the deep waters.

When we’re growing a garden, we know we have to water and fertilize it to realize a good crop, and when we have pets, we know we need to look after their food and shelter and health needs.

We’re born into a world of people, and as infants we don’t differentiate.  People are people. They laugh, and cry, and shout.  They can be tender or rough.  We soon find out some people are easier to be around.  We recognize kindness and compassion, and we know when we are ignored.  We know when we are welcomed into a room and when we are shunned.  Very early on we seem to learn what is expected of us!   We learn there is a demand that we must please someone else…for our own sake!  We learn by our own experience when we make a friend and lose one.  We learn trust and mistrust.  We learn fair-mindedness and ruthlessness.  We think we have to belong, and we learn how to play that game, and at this precise time, we realize we are compromising our integrity, our  beingness, our own authenticity, and the question then comes, WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE! WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE?!!

When does the line get fuzzy when it comes to how we treat other people? When do we figure out that it is up to us  to trust ourselves when it comes to how we treat others? We have such good intuition when it comes to how we feel about others.  The Bible says treat others as we want to be treated.  How difficult is that?  The Bible doesn’t say “treat others who look like you” the same as you want to be treated!  (And just who looks like us anyway?  Some of us are fat, skinny, tall, short, Asian, African, Caucasian, Native American, crippled, blind, and the list goes on.)

Think of the restaurants we frequent.  We are extremely open-minded (because we are pleasing ourselves looking to satiate our appetite) when we choose ethnic foods.  We’re very polite when we order, and when we’re finished most often we are very gracious in thanking someone for the wonderful food.  We find no barriers then! AND THINK:  This is quite an intimate setting, considering we are trusting someone who is not of our own race to prepare our food!

Is this not hypocritical?

I guess what I’m trying to point out is that we have ‘selective bias, or racism’, and we exert it at will and probably it is when we feel threatened (whatever that means).  When we are ‘frequenting the world’, we are rubbing shoulders with other shoppers, tourists, diners, sports enthusiasts, hobbyists, animal lovers, etc., and we don’t give it another thought.  In these venues, we enjoy our commonality.

Well, then, can we finally realize that as human beings we have one commonality in the world, and it is that we are all human beings, trying to make it, get along in both good and difficult times, that we all have the same needs, i.e., food, shelter and clothing,  along with desires for educational opportunities, and personal livelihood pleasures, like owning a home, a bike, a car, if we want one., and we all have the same fears too.  What is it in some people who have  a need to drive someone down and hold them there?  Fear of competition?  Fear of equality?  Fear of loss?   I  happen to think it is a personal fear that they will be found out that they aren’t who they pretend to be!   And, who better to pick on but those who they don’t see as competition!!  This is nothing short of a bully attitude!

It seems human beings have to put everything to their own personal litmus test…which at best, is flawed.  Going back to the Bible, “He who has not sinned, cast out the first stone.” Now that’s a litmus test!

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.  Continue to Stay Safe and Well.

There is only one picture:  The Big Picture…Broad Vista…beautiful to behold.  ~Gaya

 

Oh Happy Day!  All is well with my world!  Whatever that has been lingering on my mind is gone!  My refund was direct deposited!  I’m not aware of a care about anything in this NOW moment!  I AM SO GRATEFUL! I am conscious of some of my many Blessings and when I receive Grace.  I am not the only one.  All have Blessings, All receive Grace.  I AM HUMBLED TO MY KNEES. (And footnote, grateful I can bend my knees!)

How can one have a spiritual practice and not feel humility all of the time?  I’ve been known to say that I had a golden thread to God…and this was never stated in a pompous manner.  Quite to the contrary.  I always felt this with such gratitude and humility.  When I feel my connection, that unequivocal, total unconditional loving and supportive connection to God, I also feel the power and I marvel that I, along with countless other human beings in the world, have a consciousness which comforts me like this: I am not special, I am not a member of an elite group of spiritualists.  In fact, the way I think about this is that anyone I meet could be representative of the Holy Commune of creation blessing me with their presence.  (Like the homeless man who I gave a lift to Good Will last week.)

I am not an untouchable…I am a touchable!  I am approachable.  I do not have to  associate with ‘certain people’ who understand me.  I’ve referred to a homeless man, David, who once prayed over me and brought me to tears.  His words were no less than those of Jesus, and I felt them.

One of my best friends and I have very different spiritual views; yet, when I am sometimes impatient with our differences, I am reminded instantly that this is one of the reasons why we are friends.  Our friendship transcends our spiritual differences. My humility reminds me I cannot begin to presume my precepts are the rule for her to follow…we each live out our lives as we came to do, each to our best ability and with the knowledge we have acquired.   This is love.  This is acceptance.  This is the art of allowing without an air of superiority.  THIS IS HUMILITY.

To paraphrase Ram Dass, a recently departed renown spiritualist, ‘there is a golden light of love in every heart, no matter how opaque the container of that heart may be.’

I can never have enough generosity of heart and humility of soul. These are my personal assurances to myself.

When you ask for help it is a humble request. Your spiritual pursuits

continuously authorize satisfaction of your curiosity.     ~Gaya

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.  Continue to Be Safe, Stay Well.

Today in meditation, I spent more time – longer than ever before – as I wandered around in my mind, situating myself with the IT…The answers I keep trying to find.

I have this mind which governs the day-to-day  choices I make as a human being, and these human choices create the activities and experiences and emotions and solutions and resolutions I have in response to it all. I realized in my silence that there is so much repetition, so much recurrence of the same old same old…like I never seem to get through IT, or get IT done! Furthermore, I also realized that because I know how long I have spent on IT, I can reasonably conclude that I have done all I have  to do, I don’t need to concern myself with IT anymore, and I can trust that God, Universe, Source Energy, Creator concur!

I’m letting go of the lead rope!  IT can handle ITSELF!

I am a Spiritual Being.  At Essence I am totally whole and innocent. When I became, I had properties which I implemented at will. I implanted  into the human consciousness.  The Spirit is in the human journey of experience.  The human being creates its reality.  I’ve been aware for some time of the ‘split’, i.e., my spirit beingness and my humanness, but until today in meditation, I had never realized the two plateaus could be observed simultaneously.  I observed what Kaye has been up to, what her consciousness has been concentrating on, right along with what Spirit was sensing:  This is my time to understand the relationship between the two minds, if you will.

My Spirit wants to keep on going.  It doesn’t want to be waylaid for any length of time on an experiential event…it wants to continue to learn and advance consciousness through experience. which has to do with the human choices.  The human mind thinks it is optimum…that it’s all-powerful, that it’s IT.  But, it is not!  The Spirit is IT!

I am consciously allowing my Spirit Mind to lead me through this concept.  I want to continue on….I feel fulfilled and finally, I think  I am better resonating and integrating all of the words I have  ever said and written – in my books, my posters, my posts, these blogs, my comments.  There is more to just believing something…one has to fully integrate and resonate and then very consciously live it…this is what being Mindful is all about I guess… Understanding more and more.  It is the PEACE OF GOD.

Make no mistake, this is no ‘arrival’; however, it is a huge understanding as I see it. I am peeking into my two minds:  My Spiritual Mind and my Human Mind.  The Ego has no place in the Spiritual Mind. The Spiritual Mind is loving and non-judgmental, encompassing whatever the human mind chooses.  The Spiritual Mind has Patience and Understanding, and offers Intuition and Wisdom to the human mind.  I am choosing to link my human mind with my Spiritual Mind to expand my conscious awareness and exalt my  human experience.

Blessed Be to All.  Stay Safe and Be Well.

The present unfolds into the known, and then the past. Cherish the Newness of Life.  ~Gaya

 

It’s so important what I think, what I say, what I do. Whatever comes out of my mouth and however I behave tells others exactly who I am for that time. I want to put more conscious awareness upon my actions, words and deeds…not how it relates to what others think about me, but rather,  to what power I have that creates my small world, my happiness and joy, my frustration and dis-ease.

To be more clear:  One can get so swept up in ‘appearances’, when instead, the conscious awareness ought to be on what really is! When I react, as against respond with a deliberate thought about something, I’m not intending to show who I AM at the time.  In fact, the exact opposite occurs:  I show my disorganized mind and emotions,,.my unconscious  unaware  side.

Life happens quickly…moment to moment…and I think it behooves me to slow myself down so I can relish in the delights of the five senses during the precious NOW moments.  What more is there, after all, than enjoying what I’m up to, what I’m experiencing, creating, as I act out my life play?

This is  ‘deliberate’ living ‘ … Authenticity at its best.

When I’m ‘on top of my game’, my inside artist is hard at work, designing in detail what I am thinking about, what kind of attention I’m giving to it, what outcome I am  expecting. In this very process I’m adding the color to my life and when I provide the details, the excitement that begins to happen is essentially me creating my small world for my own pure enjoyment and gratification.  It’s in these moments I am so grateful for all that I have.  I have so many gifts to use which stir from within.  We all do.  It’s a matter of  letting those ‘cats out of the bag’!

Perfect Timing!  I’m intentionally setting a deliberate action plan for me to more consciously initiate. I’m creating more ‘Go’ in my Flow.  I’m bringing more privilege of living my life with the deliberate intention of enjoying the whole journey.

There’s no question about it:  I have no endgame in sight!  I guess that’s what life is all about…we deliberately keep enjoying our ‘lifestyle’.

Blessed Be.  Be Safe and Well, All.

“You’ve Got This!”         ~Gaya

I feel the urge, I feel the surge, and I emerge!  … Again and Again and Again!  I think this is the process of how I continue living and doing whatever I set out to do in my life each moment, each hour, and so it goes, on and on.

I’ve learned that living Life isn’t just cut and dried!   It can’t be just a series of habits and repeat performances.  There is always the mundane,  so it’s up to me to hit my ‘refresh’ button!

REFRESH...I love this word!

I don’t ever want to be a ‘stick-in-the-mud’.  I don’t ever want anyone to say to me, “Awe, you’re no fun”, or “Live a Little!” But, I’ve never liked anyone yanking me out of ‘my way’ based on what they think about how I’m doing what I’m doing! I like the feeling of ‘get up and go’, and it’s up to me to do it, not wait for someone else to nudge me or tug on me or even judge me for not appreciating all of the opportunities that are available to me that enhance and expand my Beingness.

A new book I ordered, Welcoming the Unwelcome:  Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World, by Pema Chodron, is being delivered  today.  I’m really excited…like for some long-awaited company!

I am not only offered each new day, I am given the power to observe my own behavior, assess my level of contentment, happiness, joy and calm,  and I have the cognizance to assert myself  for myself  to  fill up my body-mind-soul vessel.  I believe this is my absolute duty, my responsibility, toward myself and my well-being. I am my own instrument effecting the continuous progress of the privilege of living my life as long as I am being.

When you feel your inner peace and joy, you are coming to more understanding of who you are and what you are capable of doing for yourself.  We infinitely support you to your greatest good.    ~Gaya

Blessed Be.  To All Be Safe and Well.

 

 

 

 

I got pretty far with fear, how far will I get without it?  I worry about loved ones to what gain?

Another ‘Aha’ moment surfacing:  I’ve pushed myself through, I’ve dreamed  myself through, and I’ve held myself back out of unfounded fear!  I’ve said, “The measure of your fear is the measure of your faith” and I believe it.  I’ve believed it so much that I’ve kept myself a prisoner because of it! I gave fear a status.

When I remember the anxiety shakes I endured for almost 7 years when I was in my thirties, it  occurs to me now that the fear of the onset caused the onset!  The day I was too busy to be concerned about it, was the day I didn’t experience the anxiety and it ultimately disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

The Mind triggers up our fears, again and again.  You’ve heard the expression, “Nothing to lose, everything to gain”.  As long as we’re physically safe, this is a true statement, isn’t it?  “Try, Try again”.  Of course, and why not?   So, if I put the fear IN, I can take it OUT!  I’m feeling POWER again…MY POWER.  And why shouldn’t I?..why shouldn’t we all feel this way?

Why is it we don’t always have the attitude, “I’ve gotten THIS FAR, and NOTHING is going to stop me NOW?

As for Worry?  We all know it’s an exercise in total futility.  Yet, it’s difficult to let go.  Today, I realized when I’m worrying about someone or something, I’ve first made a judgment.  I’ve decided that a person or a thing isn’t right the way it is.  So, in FEAR of what could happen, I’ve anointed myself a ‘seer’ and worry, which imprisons what I am worrying about to ever free themselves, or any circumstance to change, because I perpetuate my prediction which  holds a person, place or thing in a kind of limboWOW!

Now the expression “If you love something, set it free”, makes much more sense too.  This is about what we do to ourselves and to others when we allow fear/worry to shackle us in our mind.    I must live and let live, I must keep my thoughts on myself, and not entangle them…or shall I say, attach them to someone or something else.  It is when I am detached that I am free to experience Life as it presents to me in whatever form, be it an experience, a parent, a child, a friend, a stranger. Better I  be indifferent and not concern myself with outcome.  We have no hold on anything, or anyone.  Everyone is on their own journey, and circumstances will always arise which may not be to our liking, but we’ve walked on coals before, and we’ll rise from ashes again, which I call Success!

I want to take the path of most allowance and least resistance.   This said, there is no room for fear and worry nor judgment.  They are setups for restriction!

Blessed Be.  All Be Safe and Stay Well.

An open mind and open heart insure expansion of conscious awareness.   ~ Gaya

I live on $1338.00 per month, and I think I have an abundant life.  This is well below poverty level, yet,  if someone were to ask me what I need to make my life better,  I’d be hard-pressed to give an answer.

I worked and raised my two sons as a single parent, and made choices toward that which I aspired.  I always had it in my head that I wanted a paid-up homestead.  When I was 65, I achieved this goal. Owning a house was to me a most important thing.

My mother had purchased a little house which she used as a rental, and she figured I’d be her perfect tenant.  It was the late 60’s.  I was living hand-to-mouth, had a good job, no savings, and she figured I may as well pay her the rent as any stranger.  With some persuasion, I did move into that one-bedroom house.   She had profited over the purchase price of the home, and one day, she offered to give it to me, if I paid the taxes and closing costs for transferring the deed.  Down the street there was a bi-racial couple. I had always figured she thought her property was going to lose value, so why not give it to me, as against try to sell it.   She and I saw very little eye-to-eye, so I judged her very harshly on my assumptions of her agenda.  I lived in that house for a couple of years, and without breaking any outside walls,  made it into a two-bedroom, installed a dishwasher and put in an eating nook off the kitchen, added double front windows….all with the help of  “Mr. Peach”, my handyman (who moonlighted this work, after he had installed the dishwasher), along with my pure  gumption and grit that always kept me advancing.

When I sold ‘the little blue house’, it was the beginning of me moving forward, buying another one, and another one after that.  When I moved to Phoenix in 1990, it was that last house I sold to make that move, which I had lived in for 13 years.

I’ve shared this story to illustrate that everyone marches to their own drum…listens to their own music…sees the opportunities and is grateful for their successes, or complains for the lack thereof.  Everyone’s reality is different, and has been shaped by their own personal experience.  My  life wasn’t all rosy.  I made good and not-so-good choices…My father was bi-polar, an alcoholic, and had committed less than stellar acts against me which I recount in my last book, My Beginning Game, Without End (A Handbook to Self-Renewal).

My eldest son took his life in 2011.  The following are excerpts from My Beginning Game. “Chapter Three, Brutal Facts

“Thought for the Day and a Truth:  Every bad thing that happens can be looked at in a more favorable light.  You can be grateful under the worst of circumstances if you choose gratitude….Circumstances could have been much worse!  He could have permanently and irreparably disfigured his face and lived, AND/OR he could have sustained brain damage and lived out the rest of his natural life beyond the 46 years when it happened, as a vegetable! I am grateful for the outcome.

“It is so important that we become more serious about things that happen to us, or around us.  It is absolutely necessary that we ‘put it outside of ourselves’ and look at it the way it is, how it could be, how we can change it, how we can dismiss it, how we can decide whether it is Our Business, ‘Their Business’, or God’s Business (to paraphrase Byron Katie, The Work).

“We are not born victims of life.  I believe we are the perceivers of life. Big difference.  How many years I have lived under the assumption that I made my bed and had to sleep in it.  I figured out this was half true.  Yes, I may have made the bed, but I found out I could move it around every which way until I righted myself.  It is called learning the lesson and making some changes!

“…if you are scoffing reading this, if you are choosing not to see it as a truthful possibility, if you choose to sit in your close-mindedness and willingness to stay in the very place you’ve been to this very minute…STOP IT!  There are even more possibilities to a happiness-filled life than I know and have yet to discover!….It’s all in my hands and I refuse to stop.  My Joy and Happiness is at stake, and by the way, that goes for everyone around me too!”

Sometimes tunnel vision is a good thing.

(Caveat:  I have since thanked my Mother for giving me the ‘house start’…No matter what I thought, it was indeed a gift that never stopped giving as far as I was concerned.  I’m grateful I have broadened my views about so many important things.)

Direction, Persistence, Perseverance, Intuitive Wisdom, Heart Space,

Grit, Stamina, Desire, Attention and Intention…all dependent upon

the strength of choices and actions.        ~Gaya

Blessed Be to All,  To All Stay Safe and Well.

 

 

 

I’m not going to wait to see what the ‘New Normal’ is going to be!  I’ve been configuring my ‘new normal’ for the past few years as I keep changing myself ‘UP’ and ‘FORWARD’ the best way I know how…and this continues to be with a lot of outside help!

Doesn’t it seem curious that Covid-19 had to present itself, before the world society as a whole had to go into crises mode and begin to take LIFE seriously?

Before this pandemic, we were caught up in the fires in Australia, and the drug pandemic and terrorism and school shootings, to say nothing of our own personal life tantrums, everyday lives, births and deaths which are always ongoing.

Years ago, I was told by a boss  he didn’t think I took life seriously.  This remained a quandary in my mind for years…I really didn’t know what he had meant.  I gave him tribute  in my first book:  “To the late ‘Odie’, who said to me, ‘Kaye, I don’t think you take yourself seriously!’.  I carried his words with me without full grasp for more than 30 years.  This wise man spoke to my future enlightenment and made his mark upon my Soul.  His message holds a remarkable place within me and he deserves this special tribute. I know he is aware.”

What is it about the human nature that is so peculiar to each of us when it comes to what ‘reaches’ us?  I know it isn’t the same for everyone.  It seems we have a stubbornness, or a bullish attitude, or some kind of inner stance that necessitates a ‘leg sweep’, bringing us to our own ‘bottom hit’, before something miraculous is able to happen…before we finally grab hold of a perceived threat and get serious within ourselves.  WHAT A SHAME IT HAS TO COME TO THAT!

It’s like we offer up continuous dares to God, Source Energy,the Universe, the Creator, as if our lives were  our own whimsical success story no matter what we did or didn’t do!

Fact!  I have to take even better care of myself.  I have to be even more aware of my surroundings.  I have to realize how imminently connected I am physically with everything and everyone around me at all times.  I have to think more outside the box when it comes to my personal safety.  I have to realize that unseen catastrophes can be averted when I am more mindful living in the NOW.

What I am suggesting to myself is that I need to live more carefully, less carelessly, with less assumption that things are the same more than they are different or changing. The World Is Changing All The Time.   I may not be able to keep up with all of the advances in science and technology and medicine, but I am able to continuously take better care of myself within the societal landscape of my own life.

A neighborhood acquaintance came to my door yesterday…apparently, in total disregard of our current ‘stay home if you don’t have to go out’ ground rules.  I was astonished.  It seemed he came for a social visit.  I immediately asked him to step back and keep his distance…I had no plans to invite him in.  People do strange things!

We’ve been told when we’re behind the wheel of a car, to be a defensive driver.  I think the time has come that we have to become a ‘defensive liver!’  We have to beware and stand ready to take action against thoughtless behaviors of others.  Socially, it seems we are inclined to give leeway to another, giving one the benefit of the doubt, but I think these days are now over.  Instead of being our brother’s/sister’s keeper, we have to be more mindful to make sure our brother/sister is more responsible, by virtue of our own responsibility to self.  We have to always be thinking in the name of the common good.  We cannot be permitting or allowing, in the face of worrying about hurting another’s feelings.  Time has come that we’ve been rapped on the head…or, I’ll say, I feel the rap on my own head…I’ve got to stand up in a different way for my welfare, my safety, my peace and my calm.  IT’S ABOUT BEING MATTER-OF-FACT ABOUT LIFE.

The Times, They Are A-changin’.  I will be more responsible for my place in this world, in my home, my neighborhood and how I view my life.  Life is indeed serious business…it always has been.  Nothing should be taken for granted.

It is good when one recognizes just how precious everything under creation is.   ~Gaya

Blessed Be.  To All Be Well and Safe.