“Get The Hook!”    This is an old expression from the vaudevillian era that was introduced in 1903….just in time for my ‘entrance’ in 1937, I’d say!

Novice performers would appear on “amateur night” competitions  and when their performances were unacceptable, the audience would scream, “Get the Hook”, and a long hook would protrude from behind the curtain and pull the performer off the stage.   A Saving Grace I think.

I’ve spent a good share of my life ‘on stage’, performing for whomever was captive at the time!  Such physical and emotional stress!… a set-up for criticism and ridicule!… a distraction from myself and whom I was really meant to be!… a pathetic way to behave and misdirect my life!… a bewildering result that has, until this very acknowledgment,  befuddled my authenticity!

NOW, by the same Saving Grace, I am grasping my own hook, and pulling myself off the stage of showiness….ostentatious subtle and not-so-subtle rude and sarcastic witty repartee… “acts” manifesting low self-esteem, fearing rejection, feelings of unworthiness, loneliness and much more.  I want to look at myself in the  mirror of self-imposed honesty and search out and destroy the last remnants  of feeling “lesser than” still residing within me.

Make no mistake, there are areas of my life where I’m extremely competent, self-confident, and have a healthy dose of self-worth and value.    Along life’s way I’ve proven to be successfully self-reliant in handling challenges offered me.  I won’t speculate on the feelings which generate my determination to improve myself.   The “Whys” don’t matter.   Recognizing my desire to heal what I can, and creating my Renaissance Self as I become more authentic, is my goal.

I’m not looking for any overnight miracles.  It feels not unlike what a ‘Selfie’ might reveal if I had my hand caught in the cookie jar!  No need… nor sense… to deny it, and I’ve discovered  my eyes hardly burn anymore as I continue to peel my onion!

El fin
Die Ende
Einde
La Fin
ha sikum
The End!