Changing Life Direction

Self-Fulfillment…Oh, What a Beautiful Morning, Oh What a Beautiful Day!

April 21, 2018 / / Life and Living, Self-fulfillment

…And a Good Morning it Is!…And a Good Day it Will Be!  When I feel Self-fulfilled, I Feel the Joy and I Feel the Peace!

I’m breaking into the crust of what Self-fulfillment means to me when I Put My Intention to Doing what I Need to Do to Feel It!  It’s all about choice!

I’m meditating now with ritual.  What this means is that I am following through with a commitment to myself which I made after the 21-day meditation experience with Oprah and Deepak.  I commented online after one of the sessions that I was going to include meditation in my daily routine…and this was because I was feeling the positive results early on.  I wrote down all of the thoughts for the day, and the mantras so I am following that…and this is providing me guidance.

When I hoofed this morning it came to me that when I have truly felt self-fulfilled in my lifetime (and most of these times were when I completed projects…and, of course, the highlight of the feeling was when I birthed my sons) I didn’t have to go for the same experience again! 

Let’s take the first time I refinished a piece of furniture.  This was years and years ago when I was raising my sons, and had very little extra money, so when I wanted to ‘see something different’ in my home, I couldn’t just go buy something from a store to augment my rooms…I had to think of a way I could do it with what I already had.  I could afford a can of ‘zip-strip’ to take off furniture finish, and either paint or apply color stain for my ‘new look’.  That ‘first time’ was like none other! I worked extraordinarily hard because I had no past experience, and I followed the directions to a ‘T’. Everything was an unknown.  I was certainly in the NOW and didn’t even know it!  When the final coat dried and I sat back and admired my work…I was overcome with pride of accomplishment.  I loved everything about it, and the absolute glow within myself of self-achievement and the self-fulfillment that accompanied my whole idea in the first place was ENOUGH FOR ME.  There wasn’t any compliment I subsequently received  that came close to my knowing what I had done and how wonderful I felt about my tenacious attitude toward the hard work to get the job done and looking so good.

Since that time I’ve completed many similar projects, and of course, felt self-fulfilled. When I start out a project I already know I can do the job and I know I’ll love the result. I’m not needing that feeling again…I’m loving the ‘hobby of it”.

I’m trying new things these days…new approaches, new logic.  This is about my eating habits, folks.  I’m experimenting with just what choice(s) I can make as I go for some ‘thing’ or some ‘way’ of doing something.  I’m extraordinarily aware of  how I’m thinking about it…and the cream is rising to the top, slowly but surely.  I’m realizing how wonderful I really do feel when I make a deliberate choice to do something that I know is to my best interest and good and ‘feelings about myself’.   Case in Point:  Each day that I have been making such deliberate experience choices, I am creating a snowballing effect of the feeling of self-fulfillment.  My thoughts are not about depriving myself…my thoughts are how I’m thriving and about how capable I am looking after myself….I am feeling the power…I am feeling the joy of taking the reins deliberately!

This is about ME PUTTING INTO ACTION THE WOMAN I AM, THE PERSON WHO IS CONFIDENT OF SELF, THE PERSON WHO KNOWS I CAN MAKE GOOD DECISIONS FOR MYSELF…MOREOVER, I WANT TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS FOR MYSELF!  

I AM FILLING MYSELF UP WITH DELIBERATE THOUGHTS AND CORRESPONDING CHOICES  SO I CAN BE THE VERY BEST I CAN BE…ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME…ONE DAY AT A TIME…AND I AM ABSOLUTELY AWARE THESE DELIBERATE THOUGHTS AND CHOICES ARE RESONATING DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO MY SPIRITUALLY AWAKENING SELF…MY SOUL SELF…ONE-TIME THOUGHTS AND SELF-FULFILLING FEELINGS THAT ONLY I CAN GIVE TO MYSELF FOREVERMORE.  

I know this much:  When I have an AUTHENTIC SELF-FULFILLING EXPERIENCE, I DON’T HAVE TO REPEAT THAT EXPERIENCE AGAIN.   I JUST WANT TO KEEP ADDING MORE CREAM TO THE CAKE…LOVING MYSELF MORE AND MORE!

The more self-confident I become, the more authentic and less vulnerable I AM.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

May the Magnetic Energetic Pathway to A Future be the PEACEFUL MAJORITY.

November 6, 2017 / / Life and Living

So, today, is the day I consider a more serious side to my life….that side that says, I am not ALL that!

I’ve known,  let me say, believed for a while now that I (and when I use the first-person tense, I really do mean ‘we’) am not only responsible for keeping myself ‘ticking’…which means, keeping up my health internally, as my organs are the mechanisms that keep me running…the better I keep up their care…the better I run! … I am also responsible for keeping the very Universe I’m tethered to by my creation, healthy and in touch with what “LIFE” is all about.  I don’t believe my Universe thinks….I believe it responds energetically.  As my heart pumps (and I feel this pumping, of course), the Universe ‘feels the pump’ of every one and every thing that IS and it must respond…there is no way to refuse!  I breathe the air…   IT IS the air I breathe… my energetic emissions literally demand the response I feel.  

I AM IMPORTANT TO MY UNIVERSE…AS IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME!  I am on a team of Universal Players…and the energetic emissions sent out magnetize IN KIND into the ETHOS OF ALL EXISTENCE…and I can imagine huge balls of these magnetized energies floating and exploding and imploding continuously….the majority emissions being the ‘winners’.  

When I am happy, and strive for my personal happiness,  willing to do whatever it takes to achieve personal and familial peace, it is achieved by nothing less than my serious knowledge that I control my bidding and desire for that PEACE!  And this intention requires continuous oversight!

IF THE PULSE OF THE HUMAN FACTION ON THIS PLANET EMITS ENERGIES OF RAGE, HATE, INHUMANITY, AND DESPICABLE THOUGHT PATTERNS OF LUST FOR POWER, MONEY, AND CONTROL OF IT ALL…THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO CONTROL!   

LOOK AROUND!  IT’S THE ‘HEART’ OF THE MATTER THAT IS IMPORTANT…..THE ‘INSIDES’ OF THE  HUMAN BEAST MUST BE TAMED!

I AM  “all that” after all….I sincerely hope that others want to play for the winning team of PEACE ON EARTH, GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN…so there IS a Future.

Blessed Be All.  

 

 

If Not For Honor…What For?

August 1, 2017 / / Life and Living

We’ve heard about many who  ‘ponder the meaning of life’, right?  This topic has been intellectualized far too much by far too many in my estimation.  Why don’t people ponder their own lives?  After all, that’s what we know most about isn’t it?

I know myself better than anyone ever has or ever will – this includes my parents, sibling, husbands or best friends (but with one exception, perhaps, my Messenger and deep friend, Jannette Hoeksema).  I’ve never conveyed power over me to anyone, but in Jannette’s case, I have allowed a self-initiated invasion of my deepest privacy whether it be events in my life, or my emotions and pains through which I have learned my lessons to this very day.

Everyone should find an accountability partner.  Someone whom they can explode in front of – not in rage, but with authenticity and consistency and honesty – for the sake of absolute personal freedom to be who they are without fear of criticism or recrimination.

There was a time,  a glove was slapped across a face inviting a duel, in the name of Honor. Men chose death, upholding that honor…was it ego?  Who can know.  Heroics have been witnessed when a civilian,  or in wartime, an individual has jumped in the face of death to save another, or many, without regard to personal welfare.  There was Honor in those hearts to be sure.

Where is my honor?  Is it synonymous with integrity.  I might say so.  The first blog I ever wrote had to do with addiction.  I openly admitted I had beaten the addictions of alcohol and pills known as ‘uppers’ or ‘speed’.  That said, I also stated (I’m sure in the name of my Honor)”… Proudly, I’ve conquered these addictions – but I’m always keeping both eyes open – never to forget my self esteem and self respect are on the line!…”

Self esteem and self respect are huge honorable descriptive traits and this must be felt inside.  But, before I could feel it inside of me, I had to make a conscious commitment to make some changes and then uphold these actions, whereupon I then began to feel self esteem and self respect because I was keeping my promise to myself  and I never took that promise, nor the reasoning behind it, anything less than serious.

Too much talking, too little doing, not enough pondering of our own life.  We talk about things we can do nothing about, and we  complain about things in our lives that we can do everything about.  What is it?  Personal cowardice, laziness, lying, exaggeration,  small talk, superficiality, insincerity, boredom, procrastination or…wait for it…just plain wasting all-too-precious time of our lives!

I’ve shown my heroics and daring to state how I feel about what people are up to and not up to in their lives.  Personally, I am not affected because these time-wasters aren’t my type.  BUT SOCIALLY our children may be at high risk, and our world most definitely is at risk.  If human beings don’t start getting more serious about who they are, how they think, how important their lives are and their responsibilities to themselves and ultimately to this world, WHAT ON EARTH DO WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO AS A SOCIETY?

It is no wonder I show impatience from time to time.  No judgment here, but as the ecologists keep telling us, it is absolutely wrong to pollute our planet, I also believe it is absolutely wrong to dismiss oneself and the importance of having been created on this planet.   Everyone owes it to mankind to try to be the best they can be for themselves and as we intermingle, we all reap the benefits of honoring Self.

There is nothing to prove to another human being… there is everything to prove to one Self.  Blessed Be All.

 

 

 

If I’m Gonna’ Kick…I’m Gonna’ Kick HIGH!

January 12, 2017 / / Life and Living

Some days are definitely more electric to me than others, and when I feel that difference, my entire insight and ‘outsight’ are totally different.

Right away, my mind goes to the Reset button…the Action button…the I’m-Alive button…the World-here-I-am button!

Some words definitely invite movement, like thrust, excitement, exhilaration, scream…. the life in life!    Other words like moan, rest, drag, broken, slow, boring, mundane, monotone, same….let our mind go toward stagnancy if we so much as read them, think them, hear them or say them .

Like the gears of a car…..I can drive easy, and if I need more energy I can demand it and accelerate…. that’s what my mind does to my body every morning.   I’m careful not to ask myself, “What kind of a day is it today?” Said another way, I present to myself, “Today I’m going to ………”!  and then, I’m on my own demand,  springing into my own action that I have decided.  I’m pretty sure I don’t even give myself the chance to say something like, “I don’t think I feel like……..” .    And, unless I actually know I’m ‘under the weather’ I’m luring myself into my world toward my own happiness the best way I know how, and that’s always “checking in” and testing the waters, so to speak.  If I come up with lukewarm, I’m most likely planning to enjoy a marathon of my favorite western movies!

I’m a 75% introvert, 25% extrovert personality (by my own definition), and sometimes I know I have to go outside to a friend who ‘fills me’.    Our conversations ’round me up to the highest number’.

Years ago, another dear friend explained to me how to make sure that I’m going to the right source for what I need.  “If you want milk, go to the fridge.  If you want water, go to the tap.”  I know to figure out first the perfect person(s) to  approach in order to get exactly what I need….nurturing, support, a listener, whatever at the time my heart and soul need for peace.

I’m the only one who can set the bar(s)… on my Forever Path.  Whatever requires my focus at any given time is a personal bar.    I place my Life Bar at a steady incline, albeit I take a back-step, a misstep, or a leap forward in my process.   When a new enlightenment appears, I instinctively set another bar.   Imagine a line graph.  The Life Bar is a solid, wider line.  Personal bars are dotted, and different colors…and as knowledge and achievements are reached, they disappear and actually become part of the Life Bar.  The Enlightenment Bar(s) are solid and different colors.  These ultimately blend into the Life Bar as well.

Come to think, with the exception of my Life Bar, I guess I can think of the others as colorful balls that I keep kicking higher and higher.

What a grand Soccer Game I play every day!  Blessed Be to All.

Looking Forward….Walking Backward!

December 31, 2016 / / Life and Living

Why do I have certain behaviors?  Why do I repeat behaviors when I  was determined not to do so?  What is  inside of me that can put me into lockstep with certain types of people that don’t enhance me, but around whom I feel so comfortable?

People who have had multiple marriages often admit that they pick the same kind of partner repetitively.  On the outside they don’t appear to be the same, but ultimately the relationship results in the same negative outcome….it was doomed from the start.

My father was bi-polar and  alcoholic.  This combination results in colorful behaviors, to say the least – certainly, as a product of this environment, my childhood was wrought with spontaneous emotional outbursts,  unpredictable moods and activities – kind of like living in a 3-ring circus!  I learned to take what came and I don’t recall taking much too personally.  I do recall not wanting to be at home any more than I had to be…and learned early on how to make my own fun and have very happy times outside the home with friends and/or just self-made activities that I fully enjoyed.

Because of my childhood environment, I have a comfort zone around people that encompasses bizarre behavior as acceptable.  It’s not easy for me to recognize boundaries and push away,  because I’m in ‘familiar territory’.  As I write, of course, this explains initially how I chose several different men (and certainly two out of three of my husbands).

Currently, I am wrestling with my addictive behavior as it pertains to eating.  I only got in touch with this when I was able to see that I, indeed, have an addiction to food.  For my purposes,  “addiction” is my inability  to follow my own directive  “NO” consistently, even when I really don’t want to eat something!  Said another way, I want to lose a few pounds and intellectually I know to do so is to not ingest certain amounts and types of foods that I know will sabotage my efforts. Feeling powerless, I got the idea to look as far backward as I could and try to determine how I was raised and how I raised my sons,  in relationship to food.

I remember when my mother baked for Christmas, my sister and I were given the ‘broken’ rosettes or  cookies, and the perfect ones were saved for company.  My feelings attached to this were that I loved the taste but always felt rather deprived….like I might not get more, or be able to enjoy that taste quite like that again.  I always wanted more.  When my sons were young, I baked donuts every weekend, until they got so sick of them they told me to stop!  I loved (and to this day still do) donuts, and always wanted to have them around for all of us to enjoy.  I almost force-fed them.  I think what I was doing was satisfying myself with the feeling that there would always be enough of what I liked.  I wasn’t being deprived!

I also recall when I was around 13 and attending Catechism classes, I took the bus and there was a bakery right across from the bus stop.  I would buy a couple of pastries going, and pick up a couple raised donuts on my way back home…again, getting ‘my fill’ – from when (in retrospect) I felt deprived of the ‘never-to-have-again-taste of my early childhood.  I think I’m on to something here.   I’ve been cooking for myself for 60 years or so, and it has never occurred to me that anything I make or buy that tastes wonderful  can always be repeated at my will.  I’ve never stood in a bread line and I’ve never gone hungry.  So why I chose to associate the deprivation piece to this experience I can’t say, but for my explanation.

Obviously certain past behaviors – whether choosing men or feeling deprived of certain foods, have a definite relationship to my upbringing and my perceptions as a youngster, and how I’ve patterned behaviors and a mindset.

On this New Years Eve, when I enjoy my ritual “encounter with my life” I’m going to begin to seriously ‘take on’ my past with an entirely new perspective.  I’ll be looking at myself and my choices and emotional weaving of the patterns that I’m probably still upholding without recognizing the repetition.  I’ve never held myself hostage to my past and I’ve done excellent personal growth work toward so much fulfillment as I enjoy the privilege of living.  And now, I’m going to open up another window of my life and I know I will find answers that will provide me greater peace and enlightenment on my journey.

Of course, I am curious and excited as I look toward this New Year 2017.  I’m about to take a deliberate fork on my  ‘Forever Path’  which I know will come full circle.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.  Blessed Be to All.

My Ship…My Helm…Use My Compass…See My Beacons

January 18, 2016 / / Life and Living

I’ve been trying to excavate my feelings beneath my words these days…to not only feel the feelings but bring them into the light so I can interpret them.

I discovered how absolutely wonderful it felt (while in the shower, of course) to know  my intention was to get back into my morning routine for my peace of mind.   Clearly, if I have peace in my mind there is clarity of thought that provides me with ideas and words that become the action of who I am and whom I am trying to become.

As I stand at the helm of my ship, and look out into the ocean of my world, it occurs to me that I am always looking for beacons (Liferays, if you will), to shine toward me  to show me some direction.  The life inside me stirs and awakens this naturally, I think….if I can be as peaceful and quiet in my mind to be able to ‘hear’ and ‘see’ the gifts that are being extended to me.  By the same token, I, too, send forth beacons that might find places to shine for another.

I’ve openly stated that I write my blog for me first…  it has served as a rewarding and enlightening personal therapy.  As I intuit the material for each article, I am forced to face my words and live them the best way I know how…always learning, always growing.  In so doing, I absolutely know that I am changing and growing in a good way…I know it’s good because I feel extreme freedom and peace as I journey through the whole process.

The windows and doors I’ve opened have allowed a dimension to my life that is proving to be exhilarating and fulfilling.  I have begun sharing ME with an audience. I am amongst likeminded friends and  I now have another way to send a different beacon from my lighthouse.

As I find  my pathway opening up…I am proof that when I intend to make some change, The Universe flings open and sends to me whatever will be to my greatest good.

There’s a subtle caveat within my enlightening journey, however.   As I  move ahead, there are pieces that I want to bring forward with me.  People whom I love and want to keep in my life….Memories that have flavored my soul and softened my hard corners as I learn to accept love and give love.  I have to be careful when I consider all of this, and more than ever keep my eyes on my compass and look for the beacons that are trying to shine toward me.  I proceed in the Faith that my decisions will be made with total consideration and care to the greatest good of All.