I’ve mentioned from time-to-time how I belong here in Arizona…I’ve felt this way from the time I flew over Phoenix when I arrived for my first visit over 50 years ago. My eyes swelled with tears as I stared below through the aircraft window. I felt like I was coming home, and had no reasonable explanation for these feelings.
This phenomenon happened every time I flew into the city, and each time I left. I visited several times for many years and these feelings never changed. Happy to be home, and always sorry to leave. In the early 60’s, I lived here for almost four years. My two sons were born here.
When I eventually moved here in 1990, it was my final return! I had spent years yearning and planning and dreaming of getting back here and never leaving again. This time I came by car with the moving van following behind. I had a home to move into, and couldn’t wait to get into it! My oldest son (now deceased) drove with me for good reason. I was bringing a dog and a cat, and his company was wanted and needed in so many ways. It turned out to be one of the nicest times he and I ever spent together and this experience is a fond memory I revisit often.
I arrived in early Spring, and spent that Summer walking the desert exclaiming “Thank you God, Thank you God!”, and very nearly went broke!. I was self employed and kept putting off getting my business up and running. Thankfully, I ‘came to my senses’ and redirected myself; after all, this was no vacation anymore! I was here permanently now, and began to wrap my mind around that fact! I was finally home for good!
I reference drums because from day one, I’ve always felt an affinity to the Native American culture. In fact, when my first son was born, I had hired a young woman from the Hopi nation. I can’t remember her face, but I have never forgotten her name. Somehow she felt ‘familiar’ to me. I’ve been to some ruins, and each time I visit, it’s like I ‘remember’….I have music of Incan Pan Pipes, Native American Flute….. hauntingly beautiful sounds that stir thoughts in my mind of a time my soul has known. Sometimes when I walk, I begin chanting in the tribal way, and I can tell when I am sounding to my happiness or my sorrow.
This is the first occasion I have shared any detail along these lines about me. I think it’s time because I’ve been noticing that I’m stirring inside….I’m continuing on my spiritual path, my intuitive nature is surfacing more, and I’m feeling a oneness to my surroundings, my place on this planet and in this Universe. I’m feeling very comfortable with this path I am following.
This morning, from out of nowhere, I said something to myself (out loud, which is not unusual), that startled me. Instantly, I retorted, “This isn’t You!”…”Stop thinking and saying things like this when you know this isn’t the real you!” …..and then I heard the drums in my mind….the steady beat…the comforting and familiar sound. Something inside me has changed. I know it is all good, and I also know I must tread slowly, yet confidently. Clearly, I am enjoying the newness of this.
Some of my friends who follow my blog might surely be surprised by this admission. All I can say is yes, it’s me, the real me….little by little emerging from a new chrysalis.
My sense is, this stage of development occurs again and again in our lifetimes. I believe I am gently unfolding and awakening to living my life with a new clarity of purpose by Divine Intention.
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