Memories

With or Without ‘ME’, My Life Energy Remains.

August 14, 2018 / / It's all in the Energy, Life's Impressions, Living in the NOW, My Life, MySelf

I’m “full of it” this morning – got some muscle-work done outside, even though the temperature had to be close to 90 degrees. I started out around 7:00 A.M.,  and knew I was tackling something ‘big for a girl’…an old girl at that!  Not intimidated, however, I gathered my tools, brought my garbage container around to my work area and began hand-sawing the limbs from the slowly dying tree.  I’ll be replacing it next Spring, I’d guess.  It’s a Brazilian Pink Pepper tree…actually produces those pink peppercorns which cost a fortune at the health markets…no wonder.   I tried harvesting  (tedious and labor-intensive)… once!

I’ve lived in this house 16 years, and I had this tree planted the first year I was here…there I go, meandering back a bit..  Earth to Earth, back to the earth where she will reside, easily decomposing and composting the earth wherever she lands.  And, as I think, there’s some of my own energy with her…after all, I’m the one taking care as I  remove  her limbs.  I’ll continue to give her water too,  and I’ll be the one to take down her main trunk, and make way for new Life Energy to replace her….that’s how we go… on and on.

Everything seems to make so much more sense.  My energy has permeated this house and the grounds, everything I have touched, again and again, giving it My Life Energy…it breathes through me, and in a sense, I get breath from it..all of it…we have lived together as a team pulsating on this planet Earth by my choices.

I have minimized things  a lot around here…now with mostly that which I absolutely love around me…and I’m still creating legacies online as I publish these blogs, and a newly created trilogy series of videos,  which speak to my rapid transformation and awareness these past three years or so.

I love my Just Sayin’  “Live” Friday morning live stream…and expect to keep on keeping on with it and everything else that presents to me in the NOW which suits my [Energy] fancy!

There is a Jacaranda tree, another Brazilian beauty, which  grows well here…with bunches of flowers that look like giant lilacs.  It’s a beautiful sight when in full bloom.  Come Spring, our energies will find each other.  What an exciting NOW our meeting will be.

ENERGY…LIFE…LOVE…inextricably bound together.

The Greatest Defense is a Good Offense! Hooray, My Walls are Beginning to Tumble Down!

January 11, 2018 / / Don't be held back, Faith and Trust, Life and Living

Forget the masks!  They’re chicken feed compared to what I’m uncovering now!  I don’t want to be a fighter anymore!  I don’t want to be a defender of who I am, anymore!  I do want to be A “softie”…I have absolutely nothing to fear and I know this NOW!

To all who may have followed me thus far, we know when I declare “I am a strong woman”,  this is more than an identity I have given to myself.  It is the beginning of ‘the greatest defense to a good offense!’  I am fitting my own battle of Jericho!

Because of a series of events recently in my life, and profound awakening  I now recognize and acknowledge, I am ready to get down to the WHYS and WHAT happened way back when in my childhood that taught me how to put up The Great Wall….never to be devastated to that extent again!

 I’ve been so tightly wound up, it is like a riddle of my own life if I’m ready to unwind myself back to ‘wherever’…and as I write these words, I am smiling and cradling myself in my own arms, knowing everything is quite okay and peaceful wherever I find myself landing.

Vulnerable…Naked…Bare…Defenseless.   I am now more able to share this space with  Nonchalant…Relaxing into it…resting in the lesson(s) that are offered me now to my greatest peace of all!

Suddenly, weights have lifted; so much seems ridiculously simple and easy to discard; it’s like I have just said to myself, “”WOW, how could this have been so simple, and how is it that it has taken me 80+ years to get to this place?!”

Keep it Simple!  YES!  Just Do it!  YES!  It Doesn’t Matter!  YES!  Inner Peace!  YES!   To Absolutely Know what ‘GO WITH MY FLOW’ really means!  YES!  Yes, Oh Yes, I Know what ‘IT IS BETWEEN ME AND ME’ means NOW!  YES!  And the list goes on.

It’s my way to explode with what I feel at the time – and this blog is no exception.  It’s not the be-all-end-all with all my answers, NO IT IS NOT!  But, it is my willingness to crack open my human shell and again, peer through myself to that other side where there may just be nothing…other than my mind’s view…my own thoughts which I have created justifying my existence.  Even this doesn’t really matter in the long run.   I hope I will soon learn there is no need to raise my voice again.  I hope I will soon learn there are times I can easily be quiet.  And, I hope I will always enjoy the privilege of using my voice to speak my truth in my own space in this time.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

Impressions! First or Last, They Count!

March 28, 2017 / / Life and Living, Life's Impressions

The longer I live…the more I seem to learn….or, is it the more I remember?  This is a good question!

I have been thinking a lot lately.  I’m facing a milestone birthday of the chronological length of time I have been on this planet [this go-around, anyway]; I have been reflecting more on a lot of different things.  Putting pieces into better place in my Life Puzzle, and also sifting through some of my CONSISTENT GRATITUDES that have lingered with me throughout my life,  because they are HUGE sighs of relief (relief that I ‘made it through’ some of the not-so-good experiences I chose to have)!

Let’s take people who have come into, stayed, and then left during my life.  There are memories that spring into action as I muse the first time I met them, and the last time I saw them or spoke with them.  Most represent a long span of time, and my first impressions are definitely not my last impressions!  No sadness, nor resentment…more, my feelings are, again, gratitude that they came and stayed, then disappeared,  by both of our choices.  People change.

There are others, however,  although newer relationships, that now linger with a sweetness of heart – a kind of love, if you will – that reached me at yet another depth, and grabbed those strings that play the fervent melodies.  Passionate Life Chords that I know play more of a fulfillment of my Being.  (Hard to explain, but I’m trying.)   It must be that I can identify and treasure these feelings because I am ‘ready’ by virtue of my own maturity and increasing spiritual understanding.  It is I who pursue this side of my life now – it is I who have the fervor within me and I want everything I can garner in this lifetime toward my joy, happiness, and peaceful fulfillment.

How many times I have said,  I ENJOY THE PRIVILEGE OF LIVING MY LIFE!  This statement means more every time I utter the words.

IMPRESSIONS!  Whatever makes an impression of any kind, COUNTS! I welcome my pensive feelings as I write my message this day.  I love that I have come in touch with mySelf in this way today.

I AM ALIVE!   

 

I’m Hearing My Drums…..dum…dum…dum…

December 10, 2015 / / Life and Living

I’ve mentioned from time-to-time how I belong here in Arizona…I’ve felt this way from the time I flew over Phoenix when I arrived for my first visit over 50 years ago. My eyes swelled with tears as I stared below through the aircraft window.  I felt like I was coming home, and had no reasonable explanation for these feelings.

This phenomenon happened every time I flew into the city, and each time I left.  I visited several times for many years  and these feelings never changed.  Happy to be home, and always sorry to leave.   In the early 60’s,  I lived here for almost four years.  My two sons were born here.

When I eventually moved here in 1990, it was my final return!  I had spent  years  yearning and planning and dreaming of getting back here and never leaving again.  This time I came by car with the moving van following behind.  I had a home to move into, and couldn’t wait to get into it!  My oldest son (now deceased) drove with me for good reason.  I was  bringing a dog and a cat, and his company was wanted and needed in so many ways.  It turned out to be one of the nicest times he and I ever spent together and this experience is a fond memory  I revisit often.

I arrived in early Spring, and  spent that Summer walking the desert exclaiming “Thank you God, Thank you God!”, and very nearly went broke!.  I was self employed and kept putting off getting my business up and running.  Thankfully, I ‘came to my senses’ and redirected myself; after all, this was no vacation anymore! I was here permanently now, and began to wrap my mind around that fact!  I was finally  home for good!

I reference drums because from day one, I’ve always felt an affinity to the Native American culture.  In fact, when my first son was born, I had hired a young woman from the Hopi nation.  I can’t remember her face, but I have never forgotten her name.  Somehow she felt ‘familiar’ to me.  I’ve been to some ruins, and each time I visit, it’s like I ‘remember’….I have  music of Incan Pan Pipes, Native American Flute….. hauntingly beautiful sounds that stir thoughts in my mind of a time my soul has known.  Sometimes when I walk, I begin chanting in the tribal way, and I can tell when I am sounding to my happiness or my sorrow.

This is the first occasion I have shared any detail along these lines about me.  I think it’s time because I’ve been noticing that I’m stirring inside….I’m continuing on my spiritual path, my intuitive nature is surfacing more, and I’m feeling  a oneness to my surroundings, my place on this planet and in this Universe.  I’m feeling very comfortable with this path I am following.

This morning, from out of nowhere,   I said something to myself (out loud, which is  not unusual), that startled me.   Instantly, I retorted,  “This isn’t You!”…”Stop thinking and saying things like this when you know this isn’t the real you!”  …..and then I heard the drums in my mind….the steady beat…the comforting and familiar sound.  Something inside me has changed.  I know it is all good,  and I also know I must tread slowly, yet confidently.  Clearly, I am enjoying the newness of this.

Some of my friends who follow my blog might surely be surprised by this admission.  All I can say is yes, it’s me, the real me….little by little emerging from a new chrysalis.

My sense is, this stage of development occurs again and again in our lifetimes.   I believe I am gently unfolding and awakening to living my life with a new clarity of purpose by Divine Intention.

The Beauty of the Emergence of Living

The Beauty of the Emergence of Living

The Shower Curtain and The Bikini…..

December 7, 2015 / / Life and Living

Way back in my past, when I was a single mom raising two young sons, I had many blessings in many ways, and many challenges in many other ways!  It seemed  I could always have used more money!

The most sizeable bill – the mortgage –   sometimes played “Peter” so “Paul” could get paid!  When Christmas came around, there was no question, I had to go into more debt, and this was around $250.00.   This was a lot of money 45 years ago, and going  in debt for Christmas presents always gave me a bad taste in my mouth!  Luxuries were few and far between…Christmas was the biggest luxury of all.  Every year I took pictures of the tree and all the packages beneath it.  Sort of a record of this colossal indebtedness and how well I pulled it off!

During my  workweek, I’d stroll a department store on my lunch hour.   One day…there it was!!… a bikini –  sailor blue,  not extreme.  It had a double  breasted cover- up with 4 large white buttons.  This was not your typical spandex suit…the material looked and felt like a washable wool.   I wanted this more than a meal!  Price tag:  $80.00!    For me to spend that kind of money for a swimsuit was unheard of…  I spoke to a sales clerk and inquired whether it’d ever go on sale.  She told me to check periodically for price reductions.   I was on a vigil…the  day came… the price was slashed to $16.00!  It was mine!  Owning this suit gave me an inordinate amount of joy for years to come…. such a trivial luxury thrilled me every time I slipped it on.  I had  waited out the bargain with an “if it’s meant to be” attitude, and never forgot how grateful and Blessed I felt to have it.  Obviously, I still treasure this memory.

Another time I was shopping for a shower curtain…and found the most adorable white eyelet, two piece, with a top ruffle… again, a “had-to-have -it-no-matter-what” love!…  $20.00!  This was a “decorator”  shower curtain, not the $4.00 one that resembled a ‘liner’!  I loved it so much I could taste it!   I bought it…never looking back….and nearly 40 (yes, 40!) years later,  it still adorns my bathroom today! I’ve lengthened it to the new style –  I permanently sewed the ruffle to add about 10 inches to the top, and  was lucky enough to find a white eyelet bed skirt (at a thrift store one day) and  I used that ruffle to add another 14 inches at the bottom.

Valuing something…whether it’s a bikini or a shower curtain…is no different than completing a special project.  It’s the combination of affectionate energy force, frugality, creativity, ingenuity, deep personal interest…and it becomes part of me.  It’s a birthing of sorts…an extension of me.  It’s not at all complicated.  It’s simplistic and sweet…..it’s part of my uniqueness…a personal treasure…no one could experience it as I do….

I hope I’ll always recognize and remember the treasures that are presented in my life and the intrinsic and Magical value they represent only unto Me!

You Are So Beautiful To Me

You Are So Beautiful To Me

 

 

I REMEMBER….THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

November 20, 2015 / / Life and Living

Musing…I love it!  There are times in my life that signify thrill….utter elation…uncontrollable emotion (tearful and joyful)…those “aha” moments that made me feel like an inventor (when I said to myself “why didn’t I think of this sooner!”)…holding my newborns for the first time…first house…first love…telling my lawyer why I needed the divorce(s)…signing the lease on my first office space when I became self-employed…my 4-year-old son holding a drumstick as big as his cheeks, my mother with a Pilgrim hat on her head which my other son made in art class at school…my first color TV – Wow.  what a day that was – in my mind in color right now!  Shallow?  Not from where I sat at that time.  I was a single mother, not much money, believing I lived an abundant life, irrespective of my checkbook balance!…some reminders that twinkle my experiences past.

I revere life  in it’s entirety, which provides the basis for my joy and gratitude.  I humbly revel in the fact that I try my best, get through to the other side, find new strengths, and am Thankful in every way for what is today.

We’re nearing my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving.  It’s a lot of work to do…the hustle bustle of preparation and cooking, and then the satisfaction seeing the ‘turkey bird’ all plumped up on the platter, and the wonderful mixture of smells in the kitchen…the bounty of it all.  I’ve been known to enjoy this day all by myself…cooking this whole meal just for me!  No feelings of aloneness, no melancholy or tears.  There’s a space within me that heralds the whole event to my fullest joy!  A magnificent feeling!

I GIVE THANKS FOR  EVERYTHING

EVERY SINGLE DAY

Abundance For All

Abundance For All

Brain Picker…Flower Picker…Nit Picker!

October 27, 2015 / / Life and Living

This is coming off the top of my salt ‘n pepper head!

I’m always introspecting something, that’s just me!  I wake up every morning with an abounding energy that lasts until around 11:30 A.M.  If I’m going to get anything done it has to be done before then…..thinking included.

This morning during my brain picking, for some reason I equated it to flower picking!  When I pick flowers, NEVER would I consider choosing dead or wilting flowers for my bouquet.  Yet, when I’m thinking I don’t even think twice about whether or not I want to pick up a good memory or a bad one or a ‘story’ that isn’t even reality, which I call “worry”!

Sometimes I zero in on ‘Other’:  Anyone else in memory shot…. Inner  or Outer Circle, no matter.   This direction of thinking brings me to focusing on others’  business – not my business – and before I know it, I can unwittingly conjure  a litany of issues – again, not my business – that apparently I’d rather dwell upon than turn my thoughts around and nit pick myself and my business!

My brain is an indiscriminating fertile ground of information…not necessarily facts…and if I don’t stay on top of what I take from it when I’m sourcing my introspection, I can bring myself off track and ultimately cause myself undue emotional discord and before I know it I’ve used up perfectly good energy that provides no pleasure to me, nor does it extend my spiritual learning curve!  In fact, it is destructive and undermining to my integrity and the person I want to be.

This is another definition of living (and thinking) mindfully!

I’m going to do a better job of nipping my thoughts in the bud (no pun intended).

Life is a bouquet to my senses:  A perfume that permeates my Soul when I supply the mindful groundwork, and a fresh gathering of beautiful thoughts that I cultivate, fertilize and tend, so the  bountiful feelings of Peace, Gratitude, Joy, Love, and Presence to my own Life and my own World will always be in perfect order.

Tulips

Beautiful Thoughts For The Picking

 

Matters of My Heart, Blog 8/21/2015, Addendum

September 4, 2015 / / Life and Living

I can’t believe I forgot to include the mother of my step granddaughters when I wrote Matters of My Heart.  Without her, my life would not be on this tremendous path of fulfillment, enjoying an extension of my family with step grandchildren.

This generous woman unselfishly allowed me to scoop up her daughters to love and cherish.  Many years ago she gave me a Christmas gift of a handmade cross-stitched wreath, and it has held the equally sacred place amongst those other treasures which I’ve brought with me along my life’s journey….only this one stays boxed with my Christmas decorations to continually don my diminutive Christmas tree.

The last couple of years I’ve been downsizing my home, using one criteria:  Keep it if I love it or get rid of it!  As my eyes meander throughout any room everything seems to have a story, and I feel like I’m around intimate friends and close family.  It’s comfortable and peaceful, like sitting on a porch swing in a Fall breeze.

SOME MEMORIES PLAY SO WELL IN MY LIFE’S SONG.

One Stitch [back] in Time!

One Stitch [back] in Time!

I’m joyful and grateful for all that I have and don’t have.