Life and Living

I’ll Gladly Take the Test(s) Every Time!

August 24, 2017 / / Gratitude, Life and Living

Again I have swung open my doors and windows  to continued freedom and I have  walked the walk of the talk that I talk!  THANK YOU UNIVERSE, I AM ALIGNED!

I’ve  often stated when I do a video or make a speech of any kind – on the stage or face to face (it doesn’t matter) – when I spout my opinion as my absolute truth, the Universe will, within 12-48 hours, present a situation in front of me that will force me to the exact test of the words that I spoke….DO I WALK MY TALK?

I’m aware of the dynamic, and I sometimes have to sift through events that have presented and meet the collision and affirm my position right then and there!  Sometimes this is not so easy.

I seriously began excavating my Self with a vengeance toward my authenticity some two and half years ago.  It has become my sweetest pleasure as I lift myself out and cast to the winds pieces of me that have  held me back from joy and happiness and fulfillment as I enjoy the privilege of living my life.

I have emboldened myself to speak out my truths, and I have never taken this act lightly.  Now more than ever I know I have a responsibility to always remain true to my Self, and this carries with it the absolute necessity to make sure I have instilled a checks and balances proviso in my behavior.  I’m conscientious to this, and in fact, the Universe helps me and I am grateful.  I can change my mind, and if I do, I also have to disclose this change, honoring myself and my listeners.

I know that holding myself in my integrity is my absolute strength toward myself.  I answer to no one as I continue to create to my greatness.

I trust one realizes I consider this everyone’s responsibility to Self.  How can anyone lead themselves down the Life Path if they don’t know themselves well enough to make the best possible choices to the greatest possible life experience?

I’m now beginning to put more of my own puzzle pieces together and it occurs to me that each time I was presented a learning lesson, it most probably was the same collision where I was meeting the walkie-talkie challenge all along!  I have only begun to associate it so clearly in my later years because I have taken on the added responsibility of speaking my mind so openly and it follows, of course, that I’d decipher the necessity that my integrity must be held in tact, or, plainly said, I’d be a fraud and hypocrite.

So, taking this whole subject that one step further, all the more reason to search deep toward our authentic self and work with the walkie-talkie challenge as early as possible.  I know it makes for much smoother sailing.  I am living proof of this.

Mirrors are good.  They most definitely are there for us to find our inner Self and finally  become unconditional friends  with the one we ought to have been  honoring all along.

When did I lose sight that I have been Blessed From My Beginning of My Time!

Time for me to Honor This Blessed One forevermore.

 

If Not For Honor…What For?

August 1, 2017 / / Life and Living

We’ve heard about many who  ‘ponder the meaning of life’, right?  This topic has been intellectualized far too much by far too many in my estimation.  Why don’t people ponder their own lives?  After all, that’s what we know most about isn’t it?

I know myself better than anyone ever has or ever will – this includes my parents, sibling, husbands or best friends (but with one exception, perhaps, my Messenger and deep friend, Jannette Hoeksema).  I’ve never conveyed power over me to anyone, but in Jannette’s case, I have allowed a self-initiated invasion of my deepest privacy whether it be events in my life, or my emotions and pains through which I have learned my lessons to this very day.

Everyone should find an accountability partner.  Someone whom they can explode in front of – not in rage, but with authenticity and consistency and honesty – for the sake of absolute personal freedom to be who they are without fear of criticism or recrimination.

There was a time,  a glove was slapped across a face inviting a duel, in the name of Honor. Men chose death, upholding that honor…was it ego?  Who can know.  Heroics have been witnessed when a civilian,  or in wartime, an individual has jumped in the face of death to save another, or many, without regard to personal welfare.  There was Honor in those hearts to be sure.

Where is my honor?  Is it synonymous with integrity.  I might say so.  The first blog I ever wrote had to do with addiction.  I openly admitted I had beaten the addictions of alcohol and pills known as ‘uppers’ or ‘speed’.  That said, I also stated (I’m sure in the name of my Honor)”… Proudly, I’ve conquered these addictions – but I’m always keeping both eyes open – never to forget my self esteem and self respect are on the line!…”

Self esteem and self respect are huge honorable descriptive traits and this must be felt inside.  But, before I could feel it inside of me, I had to make a conscious commitment to make some changes and then uphold these actions, whereupon I then began to feel self esteem and self respect because I was keeping my promise to myself  and I never took that promise, nor the reasoning behind it, anything less than serious.

Too much talking, too little doing, not enough pondering of our own life.  We talk about things we can do nothing about, and we  complain about things in our lives that we can do everything about.  What is it?  Personal cowardice, laziness, lying, exaggeration,  small talk, superficiality, insincerity, boredom, procrastination or…wait for it…just plain wasting all-too-precious time of our lives!

I’ve shown my heroics and daring to state how I feel about what people are up to and not up to in their lives.  Personally, I am not affected because these time-wasters aren’t my type.  BUT SOCIALLY our children may be at high risk, and our world most definitely is at risk.  If human beings don’t start getting more serious about who they are, how they think, how important their lives are and their responsibilities to themselves and ultimately to this world, WHAT ON EARTH DO WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO AS A SOCIETY?

It is no wonder I show impatience from time to time.  No judgment here, but as the ecologists keep telling us, it is absolutely wrong to pollute our planet, I also believe it is absolutely wrong to dismiss oneself and the importance of having been created on this planet.   Everyone owes it to mankind to try to be the best they can be for themselves and as we intermingle, we all reap the benefits of honoring Self.

There is nothing to prove to another human being… there is everything to prove to one Self.  Blessed Be All.

 

 

 

I Am Getting to the Heart(s) of the Matter!!

July 23, 2017 / / Life and Living

July 22nd, was the  52nd birthday of my deceased son.

For those of you who don’t follow me, my son took his life almost 6 years ago.  I have written a blog about this, Seeing is Believing, 8/12/2015, for your backstory.

Ordinarily, I don’t dwell on the past, nor upon the details of how and when my son left my vision.  But, somehow, yesterday was different.  I went back to the very day, his birth, the way it all was…it was the first of two times I would feel unconditional love…and then I moved along forward in that timing to his ‘babyhood’, and my mind traveled to the happy child he was…I honestly don’t remember him crying about anything until we took away his pacifier when he was almost two!

I loved him so much, and he was absolutely the most beautiful little boy I had ever seen  (until his brother arrived one year, two weeks later!).  He had my full attention…and when sleep time came we’d rock in the chair as I prepared him for his slumber, and I’d tell him that I could hardly wait for him to wake up.  I’d lay him into his crib, and ‘off he’d go’ till we met soon again.  No fussing…he was still for the time.

Growing into boyhood,  my son showed an uncanny talent of gift-giving.  He always picked out the most thoughtful and needed gifts for me.  Before he was savvy enough to ask me what I might like, he just seemed to ‘know’.  I still have a golden necklace with the script word ‘Love’ in the center that he gave to me one Mother’s Day. (Coincidentally, I have a leather cowboy boot to hold a cigarette lighter  my other son had given to me on the  special day as well.  This has a story later to be told.)

Until yesterday, I hadn’t focused on the unmistakably generous heart my son had.  Sadly, later on in  his lifetime, I allowed smoke to fill my eyes and my emotional upset took center stage, and I mistakenly lost sight of his Essence, his Generous, Beautiful and Pure Heart.

Thankfully, this awareness has allowed me to view others  through yet another lens…with deeper focus and clarity.   I am again reminded if I ask, and look, the doors will open to me.

My heart has always been full of extremely deep love for my sons and  I feel my Blessings and my own heart-awareness in all of this today.

‘Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me…..’  These are partial lyrics of a song I used to sing in church in my younger years.  They ring so true for me now.

Sometimes, a touch of melancholia is the perfect antidote for missing someone in the flesh and it has stirred up the real truths of my wonderful life.  I am so grateful for everything I have lived and worked through to this very moment in my time.

Blessed Be All.

 

How Many Lenses Do I Have to Look Through!!!

July 16, 2017 / / Life and Living

This business of keeping up with my spiritual quest is becoming  almost mind-boggling!  I have been going through so much awakening, enlightenment, and  awareness…. I can hardly keep track!

It’s all good, as the saying goes, but in a way, I understand when we refer to “Keeping Up With The Jones’s”!  In my case however, it’s keeping up with so many new and pertinent pieces of information that fit right into my already-established  Forever Life Path.

Growth… it’s all about growth and life fulfillment as I trod the path.

What a wonderful world I am seeing now – yet another lens – my looking-glass of what continues to unfold in front of me, and it beckons me to lap up all the pleasurable experiences I am having along this way.

Things and events, placement of people in my life at the right time, information coming to me the instant I need it, and I am totally aware of this happening to me at that time….tears welling in my eyes as I receive these truths.

My intuition has never been more keen, and I’m trusting the direction I’m going without care.  I know I am going where I am supposed to be going, and I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and I absolutely  know it is to my greatest good and that of all those around me.

I have been observing myself and how I am thinking, and I take this direction through this additional lens: my Self can do only that which I love to do, i.e.,publish my first book, UNBRIDLED COMMENTARY…WITHOUT FLINCH! (From a woman of years in “the middle” of her life.);  continue writing  my second book, The Book of Kaye (I AM); hold my friends close to me and always give them the assurance of their place within my heart and my time/space;  nurture myself from the outside in, and the inside out;  and always heed the signs for me to respond to another with encouragement, at the very least.  I deliberately will not allow any fragmentation of my mind.  I am totally holding focus to my  purpose and intention.  

I try to be in the Presence, in the NOW, and I am sure there will be countless more lenses which will present to me as I follow my way with my emotional companions, Ease and Grace.

Blessed Be All.

 

 

My Blog is About MY Life…My Book is MY OPINION About Life

June 21, 2017 / / "Going for It", Faith and Trust, Life and Living, Life's Impressions, Manifesting our goals and dreams

Today My Life turned another corner – I finished the book I’ve been writing!  Until this very moment, I had no idea when or how the book would end…just as I had no inkling the day I began writing it, just two and one-half short months ago.

I’ve started and never finished three books in my lifetime.  Obviously, as interested I was in beginning each one, I didn’t have enough impetus to finish any of them.  I knew as soon as I began this fourth attempt, that this would be the one that would come to the proper ending….a completed work and a very self-satisfying accomplishment.

Unbridled Commentary….Without Flinch (From a woman of years in “the middle” of her life).  There is no story line….no timeline…no plot …. random thoughts…my opinions about life as I have surmised  through my 80+ years!   There could be more coming…why not?

I initiated Liferays.net July 4, 2015, with full intention of openly excavating my emotions.  I dove to my oysters and searched for the elusive pearls of my essence…my innocence, my purity, unadulterated love for myself and others.  I have not sidestepped or deliberately ignored or hidden anything.  That’s the point of delving into one’s authenticity in the first place, after all!  What I felt, I have shared openly.  I hoped  readers were observing how liberating this experience was proving to be for me.

As I move forward,  I suspect I will be even bolder  as I continue to uncover more emotional artifacts.     The rewards far outweigh the risks as I continue to free my authentic Self.

My book is suspended for now, awaiting my deliberation how to proceed.  The fulfillment and joy that I received writing it has proven to be quite enough for my Soul.  I’ll try to figure out an outlet so others may choose the opportunity to decide whether or not it can be fulfilling to them and provide joy in their lives.

So, for NOW, in my NOW, this is it!   I have all the faith in that which I trust…MYSELF, my goodness of intent, and my Creator.   Blessed Be All.

Everybody has a “GO” button!…and a “Stop-and-Think-About-It” Button Too.

June 16, 2017 / / Faith and Trust, Life and Living

So, I got up this morning, hit my ‘GO’ button, and here I am starting this blog!  That’s what I mean…Life is here for the taking… all of the time.  If we don’t give much thought how we begin, other than to start with a smile and trust the best is yet to come, how wonderful is that anyway?

I’ll never let myself be called a PollyAnna!  No, I see the world all right; I can’t be happy with lots that goes on AT ANY TIME…but, I can always be happy  with what’s going on inside of me.  

Life, in general, is situational.  My Life, on the other hand is personal!  I give myself attitude, latitude, gratitude, magnitude, energy, synergy…I AM the  pulse, the impulse and all else that goes into who I choose to be in all my integrity and truth to myself and what I want to stand for.

I AM the only one who can soften my own blows, set or reset my boundaries, sift out my own facts for my own reality, restructure whatever may be calling for my attention….I AM the only one responsible to stay aligned with my Creator,  fully trusting that alliance will always keep me on course.    I AM ANSWERABLE TO MYSELF!

This said, I love making the choice to live In the Presence, In the Now…It is so freeing to let Life Present to Me….the newness of this experience…no planning, or endless to-do lists or expectations of “shoulds” in any day.  Of course, one does the mundane… grocery lists, keeping track of appointments, maintenance and repairs, etc…… but to drop the obligatory thought process of what I should be doing in this lifetime on a daily basis is absolutely over-the-top optimistically joyful!

No need to dread the all too frequent inquisitions of “When?”, “How?”, “Where?” and “Why?”, ever again!  My confident answer is, “We’ll See!”

I am a leader, not a follower.  I am a starter and I’ll finish when I get to that enigmatic finish [Life] line!  All I have to do is keep pressing my ‘GO’ button every day I awaken to the privilege of living my life that I was created to live.

WHAT’S TO THINK ABOUT?  “GO”!   Blessed Be.

 

I Have a Resume’ of Life….It’s Called My Legacy.

June 5, 2017 / / "Going for It", Faith and Trust, Life and Living, Manifesting our goals and dreams

I’m writing a book these days!  No, it’s not here in my blog….but I do have a chapter in my book that deals with legacy, and it is entitled  “Legacy, everyone has one, everyone leaves one!”

I’ve come to know for myself that the footprints of my life were not left in sand and were not washed away by the winds of time.  My life has never been a private one – I touched  many people, and so many people touched me.   Sadly, most of my earlier life, let’s say between the ages of 0 to 53 my concerns were outside of me, not inside of me, except when I was going through dis-ease with circumstances (“series of events” I’m known to call them)).  Most often I wasn’t getting ‘my way’!

Everyone around me has always had a “piece of me”…and based on how often and intimately we encountered each other, I’m pretty sure they were taking notes.  These notes were about me and the legacy I was leaving at any given time.  These were opinions of others based on the impression I was making at any given time……their opinions….and I would be the last person to say anything about “opinions”, because I’m giving mine out all of the time – they are my truths!

So, back to my resume of life.  IT IS I WHO CREATE THIS.  And, it is I who will live with it, and change it, as I witness my growth and transformation in this lifetime.

I am not setting out to see my name in lights; I am not even desiring to have compliments or accolades from others – again their opinions; I am not setting out to write a best-seller; I am not trying to be anyone other than an authentic person living out that Blessed human life form I have been given.

I am setting out to recognize the spiritbeing of me…the essence of everything I AM…the connection I know I have with all that IS and all that I instinctively KNOW THAT I AM…..and I am fearlessly charging forward, stating this now to my world at large, I AM FEELING MORE AND MORE WHAT I KNOW TO BE THE TRUTH OF ALL

IT IS MY INTENTION TO LEAVE MY RESUME OF LIFE THAT CAN SHOW TO OTHERS NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE SAID, NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO MAKE WHATEVER CHANGES YOU FEEL MOVED TO MAKE…YOU CAN GO FORWARD IN YOUR LIFE AT YOUR OWN PACE AND YOU WILL COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE TRANSFORMED BY YOURSELF!  

BLESSED BE ALL WHO BEGIN TO ENCOURAGE THEMSELVES TOWARD THEIR GREATNESS AND WHOLENESS AND THE HAPPIEST THEY WOULD EVER WANT TO BE!

RESUMES OF LIFE CAN BE WRITTEN IN AN INSTANT AS WE LIVE AND SPEAK OUR TRUTH!  WE ALREADY ARE THAT WHICH WE ARE CREATING.  WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO THAT WHICH IS EXPECTED OF US.  

Caveat:  I AM  the Wind that would never have blown away my footprints.  Blessed Be All.

 

 

Thou Shall Not Challenge The CREATOR!

May 26, 2017 / / Life and Living

I will never forget how I felt when anyone said something unkind or derogatory about my children!  In fact, even now, I know if I heard anything uncomplimentary about my son who nears 51 years old, I would feel the same pierce in my heart, the same bolt of having been hit in my gut, and the lioness in me would arise in defense!  I was known to say, “I can say anything, they are my sons, but you have no rights to assess my boys”, or something like that.

This said, even I should not say anything.  By whose authority do I have the right to suggest the Creator has done an imperfect job?! My sons found their place onto this planet through me, their human birth mother, and yet, even I have no rights to judge their perfection or imperfection from any standpoint.  I can dislike behavior, but that is as far as it goes, and has nothing to do with Love.

Think of the bigots in this world, who take the authority to judge people to an eternity of Hell, if they don’t follow a particular religious credo.   What about the LGBT community which has fallen prey to gossip mongering, unleashed opinions, religious persecution of unbelievable proportions.   The anti-Semite!…  The voices of prejudice!  Bullies all!

Who on this planet has the right to challenge the MIGHTIEST!   I wonder how it appears to the Creator, when a ‘Createe’ suggests there is imperfection on this earth!  WHERE IS THE HUMAN AUTHORITY HERE?!

Would that each of us look inside and make perfectly sure that the interior of our human shell is scrubbed clean…and when able to say, “Now, I am an absolutely perfect human being and I possess the authority to judge those I deem lesser than myself”….ONLY THEN, place yourself alongside THE CREATOR!

Shame on all who see themselves superior or ‘entitled’ to anything created around them!

Gratitude for all miracles of creation around us (ourselves included, of course)….A loving and honorable realization that begins from within.

 

 

 

I Am The Mother of All [My] Mothers! …. So Far!

May 14, 2017 / / Life and Living, Love, True Forgiveness and Understanding

It was a hot July 22nd, 1965, in Arizona….the day I was born a Mother… and again, on August 6th, 1966, … infamous days in my lifetime,  right up to this  Mother’s Day, May 14th, 2017.

I know I didn’t grasp what it meant to be a mother all those years ago…and I’m pretty sure I didn’t give much subjective thought to this role as I related to my responsibilities.   I tried to do ‘the right thing’  and no question I loved both of my sons to the depths of my heart and Soul.

I KNOW FOR CERTAIN what unconditional love feels like!   I can remember as if it were yesterday,  my EXACT FEELINGS when the tiny bodies were placed on my chest, and my heart actually swooned with a surge of protectiveness and awe and wonderment as never before.  This feeling went throughout my whole body, and it belonged only to me because these tiny moving life-beings had lived within me for 9 months, and came through me to present to the world and live on their own because I already existed for their passageway. 

I was directed  – the boys had good health care, dental care, foot care, home care ( a good roof over their heads); however, they had a mother who had her own agenda about what she wanted to do and how and  when she wanted to do it!

As years passed, the phrase “I did the best I could with the knowledge I had” became a convenient, yet true, statement – especially if I was qualifying some of my ‘missteps’.

The boys grew into men.  I remain their mother with good intention, and, thankfully, with much more  knowledge of what motherhood really does mean to me today.   Like any lesson I ever had to learn – this has come the hard way, i.e., many ‘series of events’ which again and again required my decision to keep-on-keeping-on!   In spite of all else, a mother does keep going when the going gets tough!

Birth designates motherhood, and death does not take that away.  Although my eldest son is gone, I am still the mother of two sons!  Souls are withstanding, hearts soften, and I have actually succumbed to a much broader  interpretation of the existence of My Self and My Soul…My Higher Self.  As I was chanting my Buddhist prayers this morning, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, I came to tears, and at that moment in time I knew I was atoning for all the mothers I have been and all the mothers I have had since I became. 

This declaration is personal only to me, and acknowledges a huge awareness within.  I am totally free OF THE PETTINESS OF THOUGHT which I have held my dear departed mother hostage to from the day my birth created her, my mother!

Blessed are we… all Mothers – to be cherished and treasured just because of our creation alone…no deeds counted.  I believe we’ve all meant well – through all generations… centuries upon centuries…and we all carried with us our baggage and rules that determined our choices and decisions.  I believe we play out our Karma in this life and from those lives past.

No more false imprisonment of all [my]mothers past…those mothers I have been or those who have been mine!  I HAVE A COUNTENANCE OF PEACE…THERE WAS NEVER ANYTHING TO FORGIVE, ONLY UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS MY HAPPIEST MOTHER’S DAY EVER…I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS AWARENESS.  Blessed Be to All.

 

 

 

LIFE STUDY 101….Just the tip of this iceberg!

April 13, 2017 / / Faith and Trust, Gratitude, Life and Living, Life's Impressions, Me

Years ago, one of my bosses said to me,  “Kaye, I don’t think you take yourself seriously!”    I was so cocky in that time of my life, I didn’t bother to ask him directly what he meant, but for years I wrestled with that off-the-cuff remark.

I wonder why schools don’t offer subjective curriculum on living life. Would it make a difference if we had classes in kindergarten focusing on human similarities and importance of family?    How about classes on feelings… how to work with them… why we have them?  When should a child learn they really do come first and  how do they learn to love themselves when they are not being shown love?  Knowledge on finance is one thing, but when and how does one learn that money is really just a means of exchange, and integrity, honesty, self-satisfaction, peace, contentment,faith, love and gratitude are the MEASURES of abundance in life.

Parents and teachers can’t have all of these answers – they have their own problems!   A downhill spiraling ripple effect exists, and what I observe is yet another target for change at depth is being ignored.   I must hold myself accountable and insist others around me do the same.

I learned so late that I was my best friend and my opinion about myself was the only valid one.    Peer pressure couldn’t exist if we trusted our own decision-making, strength and commitment to being the best we can be,  following our own personal dictates.   Life’s learning lessons are more  a privilege  we receive when we are alert and serious about the choices we are making as we mature.

I started a much more serious spiritual journey in 2011, after my eldest son took his life.   I saw his image on my kitchen wall  two days after he passed, and when I finally got over the startle, my introspective nature surfaced with purpose and  I began weaving some of the loose ends of my ‘Forever Path’ tapestry.  Clearly, beginning this blog in 2015, is evidence of how my Higher Self has led me in my journey toward my truth.

In these senior years, I am learning  living life is so much easier as I continue to explore and excavate just exactly  how important am I to ME?    My peace and liberty depends upon these answers.  I’ve had to get much more serious about how I think about everything that has to do with living!

Each day I awaken presents the OUTCOME of my choices.  As I zero-in on who I am and WHAT I AM BECOMING, I know that sincere, honest and undivided attention to where I’m headed is required.    

I CHART MY PROGRESS BY THAT WHICH ATTRACTS TO ME and THAT WHICH SLIPS AWAY.   Blessed Be.

   

 

Newer Posts
Older Posts