Living in the NOW

Whither Thou Goest, I Will Go….Whither Thou Leadest, I Will Follow You.

September 10, 2018 / / Energy Connection, Faith and Trust, GAYA, I AM WHO I AM, Living in the NOW, Peace and Understanding, Self-fulfillment, Truth to Self

And  so it happens…I am led to open up my blog and begin!  I am already led and I am following.

Awareness is so interesting.  It is a feeling, it is a knowing, and it is such an ‘insider thing’.  It is not something I can easily share with anyone because it relies upon intimacy, and laying myself out so vulnerable.  It is sharing a piece of me that is so deep within, I can hardly give it definition, but it is worth this try.

Years ago, I coined a phrase:  Everything is as Unimportant as it is Important.  Now and then this comes into my thinking…like today…and the truth of it rings much louder.  It is almost deafening.

As I continue to learn how to live in the NOW,  I am getting better at dropping off  ‘stuff’ which has absolutely no place in the NOW.   I’m becoming more keen about where I want to be emotionally, i.e.,  Happy with Myself, Joyful about my Life.   The essence of my Character is looming very relevant.  I don’t have to prove anything to myself or anyone else anymore.  Now is the time for me to mine the gold that is ME beneath the layers and masks while I continue to peel away.

I have come to love the word Release!  There is a feeling of  Willingness that accompanies it…as in releasing a bird to flight, letting go of the string to a balloon, sending a child off on their own, riding a two-wheeler for the first time.

Finally, I think I can jump off the high-wire of life that has held me back from really enjoying the simplest of things while enjoying the privilege of living my life.  

Speaking only for myself, of course, being a hip-shooter is pretty exciting… I switched up life whenever I thought I was bored, or needed some action!   I realize now that it is  the other side of the same coin of being ‘on stage’... I wasn’t good enough, unless I ‘performed for an audience’…I couldn’t just be myself!  I don’t care how I came to be this way, but I do care that this is NOT WHO I AM! 

This current observation isn’t a night-and-day  “ah ha” moment for me. It is, however, an affirmation that I have been on the right track for quite a while now, and  my onion peeling has been totally worthwhile and will continue to be so.

Getting back to the Awareness of it all….Life is becoming pretty darned comfortable.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 We are never away.  You have come with us, as we have come with you.       ~Gaya

 

 

 

 

With or Without ‘ME’, My Life Energy Remains.

August 14, 2018 / / It's all in the Energy, Life's Impressions, Living in the NOW, My Life, MySelf

I’m “full of it” this morning – got some muscle-work done outside, even though the temperature had to be close to 90 degrees. I started out around 7:00 A.M.,  and knew I was tackling something ‘big for a girl’…an old girl at that!  Not intimidated, however, I gathered my tools, brought my garbage container around to my work area and began hand-sawing the limbs from the slowly dying tree.  I’ll be replacing it next Spring, I’d guess.  It’s a Brazilian Pink Pepper tree…actually produces those pink peppercorns which cost a fortune at the health markets…no wonder.   I tried harvesting  (tedious and labor-intensive)… once!

I’ve lived in this house 16 years, and I had this tree planted the first year I was here…there I go, meandering back a bit..  Earth to Earth, back to the earth where she will reside, easily decomposing and composting the earth wherever she lands.  And, as I think, there’s some of my own energy with her…after all, I’m the one taking care as I  remove  her limbs.  I’ll continue to give her water too,  and I’ll be the one to take down her main trunk, and make way for new Life Energy to replace her….that’s how we go… on and on.

Everything seems to make so much more sense.  My energy has permeated this house and the grounds, everything I have touched, again and again, giving it My Life Energy…it breathes through me, and in a sense, I get breath from it..all of it…we have lived together as a team pulsating on this planet Earth by my choices.

I have minimized things  a lot around here…now with mostly that which I absolutely love around me…and I’m still creating legacies online as I publish these blogs, and a newly created trilogy series of videos,  which speak to my rapid transformation and awareness these past three years or so.

I love my Just Sayin’  “Live” Friday morning live stream…and expect to keep on keeping on with it and everything else that presents to me in the NOW which suits my [Energy] fancy!

There is a Jacaranda tree, another Brazilian beauty, which  grows well here…with bunches of flowers that look like giant lilacs.  It’s a beautiful sight when in full bloom.  Come Spring, our energies will find each other.  What an exciting NOW our meeting will be.

ENERGY…LIFE…LOVE…inextricably bound together.

I’M IN ANOTHER ‘STAGE’ OF MY LIFE…DEVELOPMENTAL!

July 26, 2018 / / Faith and Trust, Life and Living, Living in the NOW, Peace and Understanding

My gosh!  One thing’s for sure….LEARNING NEVER STOPS…NEVER!  And to top off  this belabored true statement: THE WAYS WE LEARN CHANGE ALL OF THE TIME!

By forces well beyond my control, I am becoming more aware that there have been so many personal introductions to my life and the way I live it!  Said differently,  I continue to look around corners, jump into new experiences with excitement and no contemplation of outcome.  Actually, this is nothing short of  ‘just living in the NOW’, without any particular plans, and certainly no trepidation.

I’m so excited right this minute as I write this blog, I am hard-pressed where to start.  My heart is so full, and so grateful, and I’m intent on offering my experience for others to consider.

I’m 81 years old…for a first-time reader…and life continues to hold me up to a wonderful standard of wanting to continue to enjoy the privilege of living IT!  It thrills me to tell myself in no uncertain terms:   Kaye, keep your head on straight!  Be aware of all of the blessings that you are continuously being granted  because you are looking for and accepting them as they appear.  Always keep in mind that in your own small world you  are continuously opening up an infinite world of possibilities just for you, Kaye, and it is here that you will always thrive, learn, grow, become aware, and continue to follow your Forever Path…  yes, Kaye, your Forever Path of Joyous living toward your Willingness to address whatever triggers your deepest Beingness, and your ultimate countenance of Peace.

As I type this conversation to Self, I know I am in tune with Source Energy and this is my message for today, meant to be written NOW.  And, as I have said so many times in Just Sayin’  “Live”, I trust the words which come from me are meant to be said in the way I say them, and will be heard by those who are meant to hear them.

I’m almost addicted to keeping my windows and doors open  so all those who are meant to come into my life, and all the teachings I am meant to receive, will appear.

This is my absolute FAITH and TRUST in all that brought me to this place in this life, and I have no doubt I will be brought far beyond.

This is the right of passage for us all...finding the many  Pearls in our own Oyster.

Blessed Be All.  To All Be Blessed.

 

There is No Rhyme… But There is Always a Reason!

June 14, 2018 / / Faith and Trust, I AM WHO I AM, Life and Living, Living in the NOW, Me

So something begins to stir inside of me…what is that, anyway?  It’s that ‘same old feeling’ that I get for EVERYTHING when I know something isn’t quite right, and it is up to me to figure out where it fits and what it means in MY LIFE!

Well Oh Well, let’s just figure it out together!  I’ve defined this feeling before.  It’s like I’m guilty of something, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t do or say anything to feel guilty about!  So, I’m already getting to it…This morning someone said something to me which MY EGO picked up faster than the speed of sound  and I’m feeling insecure, not so sure of myself, about most everything that I’m doing online!  I’m also hearing myself say,   “There’s more, Kaye”…I’m feeling inadequate with a friend.

Oh boy, Kaye…just a minute… what did you write in one of your books about this:

An excerpt from my first book,  Unbridled Commentary…Without Flinch (FROM A WOMAN OF YEARS IN THE ‘MIDDLE OF HER LIFE) , “Love Me…Love Me Not?, You’d think after reading this far that I’d have all the answers down pat when it comes to who I AM, what I think of myself, where my self-esteem throttles, and how my confidence stabilizes most of the time…WELL, I’M STILL WORKING ON IT!…..I believe the Ego is the devil! It doesn’t serve me well.  It causes me to have doubts and question ME, the very one I trust, have faith in, and in whose strength I rely!….I have a ‘kicker test’:  Whenever I have any doubt about any opinion I support as my truth or any decisions I have made in my behalf, or when I am worrying about what anyone else might think about me or my actions, IT’S MY EGO undermining me!  Yes, folks, for me, this is it in a nutshell! This is my story and I’m sticking to it!  I love me, and if I love me, I trust me, and have faith in what I know are my life truths, and I make decisions based on this strong faith.  THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM PICKING THE PETALS OFF A DAISY!”

There you have it my friends.   ‘We’ came to my answer.  It didn’t take us so long, and ‘that feeling’ has left me and I am as confident as ever and I am on my right track once again!

I AM SO GRATEFUL I don’t cower to myself when I’m at this ONION PEELING!  I have welcome tears flooding my eyes letting me know “I’ve still got it!”  I am in tune with Source Energy!  I persevere to ‘BE’,  TO BE FREE.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

P.S.  If you haven’t already, take my first book, it’s the FREE one! You might even decide to buy the second one (smile).

Ka-Pow! With Liberty and Justice for ME!

May 27, 2018 / / Faith and Trust, Gratitude, Life and Living, Living in the NOW, True Forgiveness and Understanding

It came to me this morning that I’ve used the word “fair” often in my lifetime.   I don’t recall saying it so much as a child, but I certainly do remember how sincerely earnest I was with being fair to my sons…I didn’t want to short-change either one of them.    I also recall I used to ask them, rhetorically, “Do you think this is fair?”, or “Am I being fair?”, or something like that.  I know I drove it home too, because all too often I’d hear “That’s Not Fair!”  And, of course, I was quick to point out,  “Who said life was fair?”….and this was rhetorical to me!

I think others can identify when they grow up and maybe didn’t like some particular behavior of their parent(s),  they vowed they’d never do ‘that’ when they became parents!  In my own way, I think this “Fair” recollection was my way of bringing up how I felt I was treated as a youngster and may not have identified it so consciously, but brought it forward in my own parenting intent.

In one of my books I wrote about ‘chips’ people wear on their shoulders.  I’m coming in touch with what may be a very large chip on my own shoulder regarding what I perceived as lack of fair treatment in my childhood, and it may be the integral piece to the ‘why do I sound so angry?’ a lot of the time when I get passionate about things.

So, I asked myself, “Kaye, do you think you have been treated fairly much of the time in your lifetime?”   I spoke my mind from a very early age, but when under  parental rule, it was ineffectual.  In my adulthood, I carried my own torch.  I was quick to answer, in the workplace I was treated fairly. I was comfortable standing my own ground when I felt it was necessary.  I believe in my schooldays I was treated fairly. I don’t recall ever feeling unjustly punished or being bullied.  But, when it came to looking at all the other times in my life, there is no question…by virtue of how I can pick out INSTANCE EASILY…that I felt misjudged, manipulated when I couldn’t stand up for myself properly, relegated (as in being put below ‘company’ when they came to stay at our home), defined as a certain ‘type’ of child by innuendo, or mimicked and belittled at times.   This isn’t fair treatment by standard.  When I query myself about my adulthood, considering the choices I’ve made – good and not-so-good – I think I brought a lot upon myself and even encouraged  it as a form of daring to those who witnessed it…’will you still like me if….’!  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know how a person with low self-worth behaves!

Thankfully and to my utmost joy, there are many fair-minded people who have recognized my ‘do-over’ and through time and consistency, I have been able to come to respectable terms with myself.

TO MAKE THIS STORY SHORTER:  I’m a big girl now, I know what I deserve, I try to make it a point to clarify my feelings when I get the gut-wrench warning, and above all, I know how I treat myself and how I must be treated...So, Little and Big Kaye  acknowledge that it is paramount I make absolutely certain  – and this is in my control – that I am treated fairly.

For sure, Life is not Fair, by virtue of the fluidity of it and the countless interference from Nurture and Nature.  But today, the day before Memorial Day, I am rolling out the red carpet for me.  In honorable memory of everything before today, I salute myself for my resilience and strength and unwavering Faith.  Concurrently, I salute myself in my own parade of appointment to MY LIFE, the treasure trove of experiences and learning lessons which, again, have enabled me to push deeper to my authenticity and declare my Freedom.  I hold no one and nothing hostage that will impede me from celebrating my glorious greatness as a Created Being.   I have settled the heretofore unsettled scales of my own  personal injustices.  I now declare, “I’m Good To Go…AS-IS!”   This is a fair-minded statement!

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

I Can Stir Two Pots, Set the Table, and Keep Checking the Roast in the Oven Simultaneously! BUT DO I WANT TO?

March 10, 2018 / / Life and Living, Living in the NOW

What does it take to ruin a  whole day? My answer to that is NOTHIN’!

I am grateful for my frame of mind.  I am grateful that I can frame my mind…yes, I put myself into the frame and picture it!  I live in the NOW, and always am trying to keep a ‘lookout’ on what I’m looking at, thinking about and trying to figure out.  I know I have an advantage because I am retired and nothing particularly dominates my wakeful hours – like an 8-hour job, let’s say.  BUT, I do recall when I did work for a living, and even then, the series of events that came and went in my day HAD TO TAKE THEIR RELATIVE PLACE FOR CONSIDERATION AND IT WAS I WHO HAD TO PRIORITIZE IT ALL.  In the mornings when the kids were younger, when I drove to work I would  be planning my day  and when driving home I was planning my dinner meal, and wondering if I had laundry to take care of.

Thinking back on this time of my life, I guess it would have been pretty difficult to be in the NOW…at least, it seems like it would have been. I was juggling so darn many balls – while one may have threatened falling to the ground another would flip in and become a part of the circus of my life.  I think all of us who had this kind of action were going with the flow and didn’t even know it…and by and large we all did a pretty good job of it too.

Actually, when I was that busy I guess I was living in the NOW because I had to “take it as it came’…deal with what I HAD to deal with, WHILE I picked up the kids from daycare, got their snowsuits on (wintertime, of course), piled them into the car, continued on to the house, facing the possible snow storm, slipping and sliding on the roadway, pulling into a snow-filled driveway, into the house,  snowsuits off, dinner started, eating done, bathwater run, in bed by 7:00, because we started the rat race all over again at 5:00 the next morning.   In those early years I had demanding jobs, and not to forget, had to get my drinking/wind-down time into this picture, eat later, and get myself into bed by 10:00.  Dishes, phone calls, and whatever socializing while I was overseeing the boys’ activities in the bathroom had to fit in somewhere too.  Also, if it was still snowing I had to get out and clear that driveway so I could leave the next morning…and not to forget, set the alarm earlier if I anticipated more snow had to be cleared before I could back out in the morning to begin the day all over again! As the kids grew school age, God Forbid there was a “School Day”…then I had to scamper to find someone to look after them so I could go to work!

WHEW!!  I HAVEN’T LOOKED BACK THIS FAR FOR A LONG TIME…IT WAS TIRING JUST TO WRITE ABOUT IT!!

Well, that was then, this is now, and I am grateful I somehow managed to get through the ‘series’…groundwork for today, I suppose.  Yet, thankfully, I’m more conscious of what is coming to me and how I will try to handle it…There is a moral to this story:  I am so glad I am trying to be more conscious to take myself off the wheel of haste, and keep too many cooks out of my ‘life kitchen’, and too much business of others which is not ‘my business’ away from me, and halt the  juggling of balls that don’t enhance my life in any way, and stop as much as I can the activity which keeps me from a modicum of peace and organization, and defers my enjoyment of what is really important!  I always want to be mindful to take optimum care of ME, what is my assumed responsibility, and to treasure my relationships of Love.  And, too, I want to always be mindful to give of what I have, especially if I perceive someone has a need…never to presume what I have is what they need.

NOW I try to hand over the reins to Life and keep uppermost in my mind how grateful I am for every thing that presents itself to me.  There truly is so much joy to be recognized – with humor…even delight…when I remember how minuscule my presence really is, and how all I’m really up to is trying to get through each second of my existence with this gratitude and observation of how everything is as unimportant as it is important.

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXHAUSTED when I go to bed these days at 8:00 at night…I want to feel like I’m ready to close my eyes after a long day of ‘doing my thing’, with an enthusiasm for what’s going to be around that corner of life tomorrow morning.  WELL, I’M AT IT AGAIN, CUZ’ THIS BLOG WAS STARTED AROUND 4:00 AM today!

GOOD MORNING!  WHAT’S COOKIN’?  Blessed Be All, and to All Be Blessed.

Newer Posts