Life and Living

What does LOVE have to do with it? EVERYTHING!

April 7, 2017 / / Faith and Trust, Life and Living, Life's Impressions, Love

I think most people mean well – me included – when they see another needing help of some kind.  Love has a lot to do with it!

It’s up for grabs whether or not I hand out a buck or two to the person on the corner with a sign, and when I drop coins or bills in the Red Kettle.  I  can be very arbitrary when a stranger comes up to me in a parking lot and asks  for spare change.  I remember one time a woman told me she was so broke she didn’t have toilet paper.  I opened up my trunk and promptly handed her two rolls out of what I had just purchased.    I got a dirty look!

But, when a close friend or family member comes forward and asks for help, or I observe they could use a leg up in some way, I am more apt to listen and offer something to ease their plight for the short term anyway, unless they’ve worn out their welcome, so to speak.

The question is, when such help is extended for periods of time, can a well meaning and loving intent turn into an action of enabling?  I’m wrestling with just this subject and there are many facets to it.  Love is most definitely in my heart.  Pain and sorrow are there.  Anger is  there.  Trying to do the right thing is there.  A powerless feeling  is there.  Determination in trying to do the best for all concerned is there.  Love is most definitely in my heart.

Sometimes unintentional hurt on both sides cannot be helped.

I’m known to speak my mind and I don’t have much difficulty articulating my needs.  I know what’s in my heart…I know there must be change…I know I will be the initiator.    It does not hurt me when I make my feelings known. Love is most definitely in my heart.

I’ve just recounted the periphery of my own “series of events” which I have often defined as what I believe “life is all about”.  I am able to rest with myself that Good will come of my actions.   My core beliefs have been tested before in my lifetime.   Overcoming challenges in life is a given.

This has been a time of my life that has required me to be faithful to my core beliefs and  the very truths I have spoken in my videos.  This has been a time I have most earnestly tried to do the right thing for everyone concerned.  This has been a time that I have faced the faith I have in myself and the Universe  in  FULL TRUST that I would be guided toward the GOOD OF MYSELF, AND ALL AROUND ME.

This is no Cliffhanger.

LOVE IS MOST DEFINITELY IN MY HEART.  Blessed Be.

 

 

 

 

Impressions! First or Last, They Count!

March 28, 2017 / / Life and Living, Life's Impressions

The longer I live…the more I seem to learn….or, is it the more I remember?  This is a good question!

I have been thinking a lot lately.  I’m facing a milestone birthday of the chronological length of time I have been on this planet [this go-around, anyway]; I have been reflecting more on a lot of different things.  Putting pieces into better place in my Life Puzzle, and also sifting through some of my CONSISTENT GRATITUDES that have lingered with me throughout my life,  because they are HUGE sighs of relief (relief that I ‘made it through’ some of the not-so-good experiences I chose to have)!

Let’s take people who have come into, stayed, and then left during my life.  There are memories that spring into action as I muse the first time I met them, and the last time I saw them or spoke with them.  Most represent a long span of time, and my first impressions are definitely not my last impressions!  No sadness, nor resentment…more, my feelings are, again, gratitude that they came and stayed, then disappeared,  by both of our choices.  People change.

There are others, however,  although newer relationships, that now linger with a sweetness of heart – a kind of love, if you will – that reached me at yet another depth, and grabbed those strings that play the fervent melodies.  Passionate Life Chords that I know play more of a fulfillment of my Being.  (Hard to explain, but I’m trying.)   It must be that I can identify and treasure these feelings because I am ‘ready’ by virtue of my own maturity and increasing spiritual understanding.  It is I who pursue this side of my life now – it is I who have the fervor within me and I want everything I can garner in this lifetime toward my joy, happiness, and peaceful fulfillment.

How many times I have said,  I ENJOY THE PRIVILEGE OF LIVING MY LIFE!  This statement means more every time I utter the words.

IMPRESSIONS!  Whatever makes an impression of any kind, COUNTS! I welcome my pensive feelings as I write my message this day.  I love that I have come in touch with mySelf in this way today.

I AM ALIVE!   

 

The Chips Have Fallen Where They May [Have]…Clean-up Time!

March 22, 2017 / / Life and Living

I love this picture of myself – some may recognize the area of the country, Sedona, Arizona.  It represents who I am to ME!  I love horses, days of the Old West, and above all, I feel FREE in the Wide Open Spaces!

I’m recognizing a space within me that is trying very hard to emerge…a place where I want to feel more compassion toward others as well as myself.  We all have this wonderful emotion, but for some of us, it lays deep, almost dormant.  Why?  Because the art of survival closed off this place as we worked our way through more difficult times of our lives – Speaking for myself, of course.

All these many years later, I am fully aware I no longer have any need to survive, but instead,  have a NEED to unearth my compassion and love so I can envelope my own Self in this warmth of my soul.  I’m realizing that even though I have forgiven others as well as myself through the years, there are ‘chips’ … residue of certain downed trees of my life… that have remained.  This blanket of chips restricts me from  living out complete inner warmth toward everything within and without and around my whole being.   It is only now that I have been able to get in touch with this part of ME.  It is the place where all of the daintiest, most intimate of my experiences have been kept for safekeeping – until now –  when I am capable and willing to resurrect them so they may take their sacred place in my heart where I may nurture them in the sunlight of my privilege of living my life.  This desire to enlarge my heart space toward compassion is  compelling, and I am deliberately  drawing my awareness to these wonderful feelings.    Clearly, this destiny outweighs all else.

I recently spoke in a video of the place of joy that I discovered within myself, and this is yet another awareness toward fulfilling a joyous aspect of human existence, and I’m touching my essence.  I feel my connection with Self.

I have no axes to grind, I want no chips on my shoulders that weigh me down from the pleasures of my full life.  I am demanding release from my emotional blindness.

My Open Spaces are Wider and I  savor this newly introduced Freedom. Blessed Be.

 

Intimate Strangers…….Really?!

March 15, 2017 / / "Real Friends", Life and Living

I got to thinking the other day what a friendly person I really am!  By ‘friendly’ I mean talkative and outgoing.   It’s easy for me to speak to strangers and I’m very able to keep a conversation going on just about any topic  – whether it be personal to me, or even asking what some may term a ‘personal question’ to someone else.  How else do we begin to know anyone?

How often it has happened when I ask someone how they are, and the answer is “Fine”.  Gosh, that doesn’t tell me anything.  So help me, when someone asks me how I am, there’s a story coming – it’s not that I’m going to blurt out some great litany of complaints; but rather, I’m likely to give a synopsis of some last few hours or even days of what has been going on in my life.

I’ve  been examining my friendships lately.   Clearly, if I were to get specific, several have dropped off because I think I grew tired of making the call to keep in contact, and go through the perfunctory questions, so I would know more of the ‘in between’ stuff since we last spoke.     I’m also aware I have stayed away from one person who always seemed to ask me questions about the most painful subjects of my life.  When I got in touch with that fact, I ran –  not walked –  away, fully realizing making me reminisce painful times, certainly didn’t make me feel good.

Art Linkletter said years ago, “People are Funny!” – yes they are, and not always funny “ha ha”.  I think people like to hide.  They like to keep their little secrets so everything looks good on the outside.  My mother was like that, and I think that’s why I’m such the opposite.  The thing is, those of us who burrow into it, who, in my case, are only seeking to strengthen a friendship, not pry, feel instantly when a person is withholding.  Keep in mind, we all have free will to respond, “I think your question is too personal”, or “I’m not prepared to discuss this with you”, or something like that.

I think one of the greatest rewards to being open and forthcoming is the kind of friendship that can come from it.  I can’t help but think there must be a lot of pain inside a person who remains superficial with even those closest to them.  Some may say there has to be trust before one can be self-disclosing.  I’m not talking about sharing deep dark family secrets, opening up the closets where the skeletons are.  I’m just talking about sharing day-to-day living experiences and feelings – the kind we all have that are not at all threatening in the scheme of things – I don’t believe anyway.   I’ve always run the risk that what I say could cause a person not to like me.   Then, too, just the reverse could happen.  I repeat…HOW DOES ONE  GET TO REALLY KNOW SOMEONE?

It may not be about trusting the other person at all.  Instead, I think it’s more about acceptance of oneself.

What’s there to lose?  Maybe a really good friend like me!  And, for a fact, I need the same thing back!

Here’s to intimacy and authenticity and going for it – and settling for nothing less in return!  Blessed Be.

I’m a thrill seeker – not an Adrenalin junkie!

February 15, 2017 / / "Going for It", Life and Living

So, I rise and shine early most mornings, and I’m filled with an excitement for what’s to come this day and every day.   Pretty amazing – this feeling of looking for the corner to peek around.

When I use the word “thrill” in no way do I associate it with a roller coaster ride!   I’m always fulfilling a dream or goal that has been swirling around in my brain.  Case in point, I am now in the throes of trying my best once again – without any push and shove – to fulfill THE dream of 75 years!  Yes, I’m planning to make an offer on a property that will, indeed, become my DreamCatcher Ranch!  The very ‘ranchy thing’ I’ve often referred to in videos and in other blogs.

When the stars are aligned and the Universe brings to us what we’ve been putting ‘out there’, suddenly what I have been picturing in my mind’s eye has appeared!  This is the biggest thing to wrap my head around and now, at nearly 80, I just may be finalizing a huge piece of mySelf, and on the heels of it, I already have the ideas for the projects that will take me onward toward more goals.  There’s a gorgeous Western mountain view toward the sunsets, and early morning sunrises will open my days.  Peace and tranquility, coupled with excitement and curiosity for everything I put in front of me, will hurl me to yet another Forever Path.

I hope  readers will follow my facebook page, Just Sayin’   Kaye A. Peters, where I’ll be updating my progress and experience on this journey and I’ll continue my personal life saga when I make the actual move.  Follow me – I have a young heart and I’m full of adventure and joy….like I’ve said, I always enjoy the THRILL of the chase – and when I’m officially  on this high ride – when the papers are signed, the “For Sale’ sign is in my front yard, and hopefully a ‘SOLD’ sign soon to follow,  I’ll continue chasing my dreams and goals.  One way or another, I love the privilege of living my life –  the thrill in and of itself – always.

I’m coming!….can’t wait to hear the howl of the coyote in the distance and the SILENCE.  Blessed Be to All.  And So It Is, And Will Be.

Ditch the Butterfly Net! I Re[Life]Cycle!

January 30, 2017 / / Life and Living

What on earth?!  I’m imagining  butterflies emerging from the chrysalis flying around me in all different colors – the most prevalent is the Monarch, the King of butterflies; common to many, strong as strong, making its migration every year in concert rhythm to nature’s symphonic overture to a new life.  This butterfly has four stages in its life cycle, and lives four generations in one year.  I am not intending a primer on the life of a butterfly, but I intimately  understand the association with it to starting a new life and freedom.

For years I have associated every significant event as a life within my life.  Considering this,  I have lived many  lives in these almost 80 years of [this] life.

Summarily, in the past 18 months alone I can include another 5 or 6 lives!   I’d be hard-pressed to try to total all of these lives from,  let’s say, 3 or 4  years old – the beginning of my memories –  moving to different houses, attending different schools, growing up and starting college, my many jobs, creating my executive search firm, 3 marriages, two children, 3 divorces,  and so on and so on.  I’m sure it could reach over 60!  Not surprising, then, at this particular time of my life there are butterflies in my mind!  My goodness, what a life cycle I am having!

Ever-new experiences, living my freedom, fulfilling myself in honor to my creator, the Universe, of which I am a part and in which I thrive as a spiritual being in a human condition,  IS my existence……my privilege of living life.

There is no net that can gather me up, nor crush my essence.  There is no word that can quench my words of my own truth.  I will always view my life as perpetual cycles of newness… more growth and more enlightenment.    I will continue to emerge always beautiful and stronger.  The Phoenix rises from the ashes……. the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis.

…..One and the Same to Me!!  Blessed Be to All.

 

 

If I’m Gonna’ Kick…I’m Gonna’ Kick HIGH!

January 12, 2017 / / Life and Living

Some days are definitely more electric to me than others, and when I feel that difference, my entire insight and ‘outsight’ are totally different.

Right away, my mind goes to the Reset button…the Action button…the I’m-Alive button…the World-here-I-am button!

Some words definitely invite movement, like thrust, excitement, exhilaration, scream…. the life in life!    Other words like moan, rest, drag, broken, slow, boring, mundane, monotone, same….let our mind go toward stagnancy if we so much as read them, think them, hear them or say them .

Like the gears of a car…..I can drive easy, and if I need more energy I can demand it and accelerate…. that’s what my mind does to my body every morning.   I’m careful not to ask myself, “What kind of a day is it today?” Said another way, I present to myself, “Today I’m going to ………”!  and then, I’m on my own demand,  springing into my own action that I have decided.  I’m pretty sure I don’t even give myself the chance to say something like, “I don’t think I feel like……..” .    And, unless I actually know I’m ‘under the weather’ I’m luring myself into my world toward my own happiness the best way I know how, and that’s always “checking in” and testing the waters, so to speak.  If I come up with lukewarm, I’m most likely planning to enjoy a marathon of my favorite western movies!

I’m a 75% introvert, 25% extrovert personality (by my own definition), and sometimes I know I have to go outside to a friend who ‘fills me’.    Our conversations ’round me up to the highest number’.

Years ago, another dear friend explained to me how to make sure that I’m going to the right source for what I need.  “If you want milk, go to the fridge.  If you want water, go to the tap.”  I know to figure out first the perfect person(s) to  approach in order to get exactly what I need….nurturing, support, a listener, whatever at the time my heart and soul need for peace.

I’m the only one who can set the bar(s)… on my Forever Path.  Whatever requires my focus at any given time is a personal bar.    I place my Life Bar at a steady incline, albeit I take a back-step, a misstep, or a leap forward in my process.   When a new enlightenment appears, I instinctively set another bar.   Imagine a line graph.  The Life Bar is a solid, wider line.  Personal bars are dotted, and different colors…and as knowledge and achievements are reached, they disappear and actually become part of the Life Bar.  The Enlightenment Bar(s) are solid and different colors.  These ultimately blend into the Life Bar as well.

Come to think, with the exception of my Life Bar, I guess I can think of the others as colorful balls that I keep kicking higher and higher.

What a grand Soccer Game I play every day!  Blessed Be to All.

Looking Forward….Walking Backward!

December 31, 2016 / / Life and Living

Why do I have certain behaviors?  Why do I repeat behaviors when I  was determined not to do so?  What is  inside of me that can put me into lockstep with certain types of people that don’t enhance me, but around whom I feel so comfortable?

People who have had multiple marriages often admit that they pick the same kind of partner repetitively.  On the outside they don’t appear to be the same, but ultimately the relationship results in the same negative outcome….it was doomed from the start.

My father was bi-polar and  alcoholic.  This combination results in colorful behaviors, to say the least – certainly, as a product of this environment, my childhood was wrought with spontaneous emotional outbursts,  unpredictable moods and activities – kind of like living in a 3-ring circus!  I learned to take what came and I don’t recall taking much too personally.  I do recall not wanting to be at home any more than I had to be…and learned early on how to make my own fun and have very happy times outside the home with friends and/or just self-made activities that I fully enjoyed.

Because of my childhood environment, I have a comfort zone around people that encompasses bizarre behavior as acceptable.  It’s not easy for me to recognize boundaries and push away,  because I’m in ‘familiar territory’.  As I write, of course, this explains initially how I chose several different men (and certainly two out of three of my husbands).

Currently, I am wrestling with my addictive behavior as it pertains to eating.  I only got in touch with this when I was able to see that I, indeed, have an addiction to food.  For my purposes,  “addiction” is my inability  to follow my own directive  “NO” consistently, even when I really don’t want to eat something!  Said another way, I want to lose a few pounds and intellectually I know to do so is to not ingest certain amounts and types of foods that I know will sabotage my efforts. Feeling powerless, I got the idea to look as far backward as I could and try to determine how I was raised and how I raised my sons,  in relationship to food.

I remember when my mother baked for Christmas, my sister and I were given the ‘broken’ rosettes or  cookies, and the perfect ones were saved for company.  My feelings attached to this were that I loved the taste but always felt rather deprived….like I might not get more, or be able to enjoy that taste quite like that again.  I always wanted more.  When my sons were young, I baked donuts every weekend, until they got so sick of them they told me to stop!  I loved (and to this day still do) donuts, and always wanted to have them around for all of us to enjoy.  I almost force-fed them.  I think what I was doing was satisfying myself with the feeling that there would always be enough of what I liked.  I wasn’t being deprived!

I also recall when I was around 13 and attending Catechism classes, I took the bus and there was a bakery right across from the bus stop.  I would buy a couple of pastries going, and pick up a couple raised donuts on my way back home…again, getting ‘my fill’ – from when (in retrospect) I felt deprived of the ‘never-to-have-again-taste of my early childhood.  I think I’m on to something here.   I’ve been cooking for myself for 60 years or so, and it has never occurred to me that anything I make or buy that tastes wonderful  can always be repeated at my will.  I’ve never stood in a bread line and I’ve never gone hungry.  So why I chose to associate the deprivation piece to this experience I can’t say, but for my explanation.

Obviously certain past behaviors – whether choosing men or feeling deprived of certain foods, have a definite relationship to my upbringing and my perceptions as a youngster, and how I’ve patterned behaviors and a mindset.

On this New Years Eve, when I enjoy my ritual “encounter with my life” I’m going to begin to seriously ‘take on’ my past with an entirely new perspective.  I’ll be looking at myself and my choices and emotional weaving of the patterns that I’m probably still upholding without recognizing the repetition.  I’ve never held myself hostage to my past and I’ve done excellent personal growth work toward so much fulfillment as I enjoy the privilege of living.  And now, I’m going to open up another window of my life and I know I will find answers that will provide me greater peace and enlightenment on my journey.

Of course, I am curious and excited as I look toward this New Year 2017.  I’m about to take a deliberate fork on my  ‘Forever Path’  which I know will come full circle.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.  Blessed Be to All.

I Got To Thinking…..AGAIN!

December 13, 2016 / / Life and Living

I get up in the morning, and the first thing I think is something like, “What am I going to do today?”  Simple enough – I live alone, so if the fire gets started, I’m the one to light it, right?

“Thoughts”…..I’m poking  deeper  now.  Does the Universe put thoughts in my head first?  Or, do I start that ball rolling?  Chicken?  Egg?   I’m going to pick ME!  I’m thinking my day is literally up for grabs.  I hear the news on  TV- no staying power so far. While sitting at my computer,  my eyes make a cursory  turn of the room.  I’m perking –  two cups of coffee helps!  Well, now, I’m feeling happy, enthusiastic for my day – whether I’ve planned anything so far or not.  I’m a very early riser, and it’s still pitch dark outside.  So?  Nothin’ yet!

Let’s change format.  What do I want to do today?  Ah, now, this puts some ‘snap’ into it!

I wonder how children begin to learn how to motivate themselves? Parents spend a lot of time and money planning activities for them. Schools offer countless choices of sports to join.  After hours, parents fill  ‘spare’ time and weekends with movies, bowling, theme parks, shopping…and the list goes on.   Shuttling kids between activities must be exhausting…the more kids, the more exhaustive for everyone?     When does anyone get a break?

Back to me!  I have just given precious thought-power/energy to a subject that doesn’t affect me in the slightest way!   LOOKING OUTSIDE MYSELF….Apparently,  because I am not successful in planning my day thus far,  I have allowed my thoughts a life of their own!

Thought-power.  I just spent precious time and energy exerting  power of my mind and in so doing, I actually delayed structuring  my day!    How much time do I waste in senseless or wistful thoughts looking outside myself?   There are minimum 16 hours every day that I am privileged to spend using my creative brain toward constructive, joy-producing thoughts for myself or others around me.

Albeit a self-chiding lesson,   MY BRAIN HAS ALL IT CAN DO TO CONCENTRATE ON ME AND MY OWN BUSINESS OF LIVING AND BEING AND DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS AROUND ME. 

Conclusion:  I have nothing to do with kids’ self-motivation,  their activities nor how their day is structured or how frazzled parents may become in doing it!  I  have everything to do with  keeping my thoughts out of others’ affairs!

The shoe fits!  Twinge of Truth.  Blessed Be.

My Dream, My Reality….Choose Happiness!

December 6, 2016 / / Life and Living

I don’t often remember my dreams; however,  last night I was awakened many times and fully understood that I was having a dream which was none other than an affirmation of what I have been working on for the past few days.

In early July, 2016, I received my Gohonzon in Buddhism.  Faith, Practice and Study – and  more simply stated, make myself happy, others happy, and work toward peace in the world.

What is choosing happiness for myself?  Will buying my favorite box of donuts (to which I admittedly am addicted) make me happy?  No, clearly it wouldn’t.  Not the kind of ‘happy’ I am seeking.  Would dusting my entertainment center make me happy?  Yes, it did – I did feel happier seeing the glass-topped shelves glistening as I rid them of  dust.  Yesterday, I felt an exciting tingle of inner happiness when I purchased two small gifts for the daughter of a friend, knowing I am going to present them to her next week when we all get together for some fun and lunch.  The girl’s birthday  and Christmas will be remembered.  I never had a daughter, and I don’t have any children close by whom I can enjoy watching receive joy from my action.  Yes, I felt my happiness and joy generating inside me.   I bought an orchid plant for my very dear friend and felt excitement  and I was happy.   The orchid is a specific species that has significance in her life.  It makes me happy to be able to give her joy  and I know we both will be happy when I give her the gift tomorrow.

I wasn’t planning on putting up too many, if any, Christmas decorations this year – in fact, I haven’t done much for several years.  Yet, yesterday, I thought  would it make me happy if I had some decorations up for the holidays?  Yes, it will make me happy, and I will do this and make myself happy.

In my dream, I was removing chain link fencing, section by section, and neatly placing the panels in a pile.  I was totally aware that this was symbolic of my taking down the barriers between me and my own happiness and I was doing this in an orderly fashion.  I knew I had to have some areas of my yard (my Self) encircled with a much less rigid  material – I didn’t need a steel fortress, more like a  mesh that could contain my plants (my choices for my Self) as I continued to enjoy the privilege of living my life.  I instinctively knew that the feelings I’ve described herein are the proof of the kind  of happiness I’ve already felt for myself and others in these past days.  They were so deep and satisfying and fulfilling.  These happiness feelings resonated to my Soul Self.  I felt my heart ‘understand’ what this living is all about with peace and contentment – and it all revolves  around the choices I make for my own happiness.  I also felt the excitement that welled up inside me as I brought down the rigid fencing (my rigid thinking) and felt the accomplishment of  my enlightenment about what happiness truly is as I neatly stacked those panels.   Clearly, happiness is not choosing the insatiable instant gratifications that I tried in the past, like alcohol, diet pills, donuts and other pastries, cigarettes, affairs with men, marrying men, placing myself in uncomfortable social positions trying to salve my emotional barrenness  with situations that, sadly, didn’t reach my silent suffering.  Nothing had given me self-satisfaction or permanent happiness and joy, nor any healing from the inside,  while I have been living my life.

 I am aware, that whenever I work on projects, or whenever else I am inspired to do something I call ‘fun’, these are exactly the times I am making myself happy and I  receive  self-satisfaction.  This  is my way  of honoring  mySelf while I continue to enjoy the privilege of living my life.

As the dream continued, the song “Alleluia” kept playing softly in the background.  Yes,  I’ve had a marvelous awakening.   Needless to say, before I make any choices/decisions that have to do with the happiness of my heart, my quality of time with mySelf or others … whatever action I am undertaking …  henceforth,  I am going to specifically ask myself, “Kaye, will this make you happy?”  I know now, the feelings  I must have, before I can honestly say “Yes, this will make me happy” !  It’s the deep down knowledge that I’ve always carried within  that will dictate my actions.    From now on I can slowly excavate a new place I have never before attempted to reveal.  I am going to ‘gift myself’ all the happiness  while  living my life that I have not known was within  my grasp until now.

Does it make me happy to try to explain this to others?  Yes it does.  All we have to do is ask ourSelf the sincere question, “Will this make me happy?”  And, only choose our actions when our sincere answer is,  “Yes, this will make me happy.”

This is permanent healing, not a band-aid fix. This is an inside job and it only has to make sense to me.   BLESSED BE.

 

Newer Posts
Older Posts