Life’s Impressions

I awake and it is ‘Today’, and if I live through the night, I awaken to another Today, and so it goes.  I guess there really is no time.  We put it into segments to be orderly for work hours, we separate night and day and we have created weeks and months and years.   We age ourselves from our birth dates, and in our early years of development we monitor such development by standard, and in our later years we monitor our decline, again by standard.

I spent every New Year’s Eve for more decades than I can count monitoring my past year’s accomplishments and then fast-forwarding 10, then 5 (as I aged) years ahead  semi-seriously dabbling in what I thought I might want to do in that future time space.   This was an elaborate exercise of listing things to do, looking to the future, and somehow trying to bring the dead past to life with the reminiscence of it all.   It all seemed to be so valuable to me, and none of it had to do with the PRESENT, the TODAY OF MY LIFE.

No more of this for me…I hinted last year was to be the end of this practice for me, and so it was! It’s my TODAY I breathe, touch, smell, feel, think about and do something about…My NOW!

No holding onto past accomplishments – that was then, this is NOW! No waiting for a set of circumstances to be perfectly in place before doing something.  It’s called strike while the iron is hot!  Our heart has a perfect way of letting us know when we want to do something.  It’s our mind that starts doing the calculating, provisioning, and conventionalizing our heart’s desire, until we finally can’t see where to begin…it becomes a downer instead of a motivated wonderful dream intention which our heart brought forward for us to act upon in the first place.

I have all I can do to take care of my own business and stay out of that of others; it’s the same about working with each  TODAY I’ve been given.  It requires devotion to myself, love of myself, filling each moment I am  breathing with an attitude of well-being, recognizing my gratitude and Blessings and my own POWER TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER  during EACH DAY!  There isn’t much more time for anything else that I can do anything about.  The future isn’t in my grasp until it is TODAY.

I’m feeling wonderful about this shift in my thinking.  It falls into perfect place with my view on aging too.  As I’ve said before, I have no end game. My life IS, until it ISN’T, and when that happens, it will be ‘a TODAY’.

HAPPY NEW DAY EVERYONE!   Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m “full of it” this morning – got some muscle-work done outside, even though the temperature had to be close to 90 degrees. I started out around 7:00 A.M.,  and knew I was tackling something ‘big for a girl’…an old girl at that!  Not intimidated, however, I gathered my tools, brought my garbage container around to my work area and began hand-sawing the limbs from the slowly dying tree.  I’ll be replacing it next Spring, I’d guess.  It’s a Brazilian Pink Pepper tree…actually produces those pink peppercorns which cost a fortune at the health markets…no wonder.   I tried harvesting  (tedious and labor-intensive)… once!

I’ve lived in this house 16 years, and I had this tree planted the first year I was here…there I go, meandering back a bit..  Earth to Earth, back to the earth where she will reside, easily decomposing and composting the earth wherever she lands.  And, as I think, there’s some of my own energy with her…after all, I’m the one taking care as I  remove  her limbs.  I’ll continue to give her water too,  and I’ll be the one to take down her main trunk, and make way for new Life Energy to replace her….that’s how we go… on and on.

Everything seems to make so much more sense.  My energy has permeated this house and the grounds, everything I have touched, again and again, giving it My Life Energy…it breathes through me, and in a sense, I get breath from it..all of it…we have lived together as a team pulsating on this planet Earth by my choices.

I have minimized things  a lot around here…now with mostly that which I absolutely love around me…and I’m still creating legacies online as I publish these blogs, and a newly created trilogy series of videos,  which speak to my rapid transformation and awareness these past three years or so.

I love my Just Sayin’  “Live” Friday morning live stream…and expect to keep on keeping on with it and everything else that presents to me in the NOW which suits my [Energy] fancy!

There is a Jacaranda tree, another Brazilian beauty, which  grows well here…with bunches of flowers that look like giant lilacs.  It’s a beautiful sight when in full bloom.  Come Spring, our energies will find each other.  What an exciting NOW our meeting will be.

ENERGY…LIFE…LOVE…inextricably bound together.

What a question I have posed.  This is interesting territory!  Is the pressure ON or OFF?!!

In my small world, I am firstly, a single woman of years… a mother… a friend… a neighbor… an author…a Buddhist practitioner…the host of a weekly online  ‘live’ broadcast from my Facebook page, Just Sayin’   Kaye A. Peters… a member of a few authors’ groups on Facebook…a customer in any retail environment…and at the end of each day, lastly, I am still a single woman of years enjoying the privilege of living my life in the Human Condition with no endgame in sight, but, first and foremost I am a Spiritual Being, and must attend to my Soul.  

Each hour that I am privileged to live, I try to fulfill my roles to whatever degree my responsibility presents itself.  I essentially believe I am ‘living my purpose’ to its fullest,  doing the very best I can and being the very best I can be.  Thus, it follows, by my intentions I am nourishing my Soul and providing myself with joys and happiness and continued awareness and enlightenment that become a perpetuation of self actualization.

I am finding that I have what I will call ‘soulful antennae’.  These are feelers that extend from me and ‘pick up’ mixtures of energies that are always swirling around me and from within me too.  I notice I find it difficult to distinguish them when it comes to what, if any, action is required of me.  I’m concluding right now that it is primary that I decipher what is mine to tackle.  I am responsible to leap my own hurdles.  Sometimes there has been a soft place for me to fall, and sometimes I have been that for another too. Kindness, interest, encouragement and support are wonderful gestures to lend a hand or a leg up to someone on their own path.  Altruistic Action.

The answer to my question,  What is expected of ME?    Whatever I can do that fills my Soul while providing self-fulfillment to my human life purpose, honoring my Creator in gratitude for my well-meaning Presence in the larger world picture.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

So, it’s February 14, 2018 – Valentine’s Day….HEARTS DAY!

I got to thinking – yet again – just how big are our hearts anyway?  How many pieces can they be split into, and are we asked to do this?  Well, maybe!  We have Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Grandparents’ Day, Birthdays of everyone born,  and not to exclude all of the patriotic days which many give their hearts to as well.

Considering what I have just stated, and considering that I believe I am a Spiritual Being living in a human condition, I also acknowledge that my Higher Self, if you will, is purely Love and Light.  Stay with me here:  If ‘the sermon’ is  Love and Kindness as the comportment of all of us, why then do we have these specially denoted days for those that are apparently supposed to be deserving of even more love than we are told we already have for everyone?

My son is  coming in today on ‘vehicle business’, I’m making a pot roast for us, he won’t be staying.   After eating,  he’ll go back to get his trailer and off on a hunt for the rest of this month.  I love him every waking hour of my life!  I love his deceased brother the same way!  I love myself so much that I continue to try to figure out what I can do to become a better person, mother, friend, neighbor, citizen…I don’t have a “Valentine-person”…a lover, if you will, but I do remember one of the last times I was with a significant other, and coincidentally, this memory has to do with Valentines Day!

My other son and significant other were traveling from Minnesota to Phoenix,  to take care of some business.  It was over the Valentine’s Day time.  I received a darling card from my son, and he signed it “Your son, Rambo!”  (I wish I had saved that card…he knew how much I loved all of the Rambo movies.)  My male companion sent a card too…I don’t recall anything particularly special about it, other than it was a Valentine’s Day card.

I really do believe every day is HEARTS DAY!  I really do believe we should wear our hearts on our sleeve for those we love very specially EVERY DAY…And, birthdays?  Well, I’ll continue to give my son a card celebrating that special day that was in MY life…I have loved him every single day of my life since I became a Mother for the second time….and it is nice to tell him how much I do love him, and how proud I am to be his Mother, and how proud I am of him, my Son.

HEARTS ARE VERY BIG….Can’t we sustain BIG LOVE every day?  Kindness is a huge component of Love not to forget.

Boy would the greeting card companies make out big if we were sending 365 cards a year to everyone who is special to us!  To say nothing of candy companies and jewelry stores and floral shops.

So for all of us who show love to our loved ones….this is yet another thing we can do “Our Way”.  HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY ALL!

NEXT YEAR, MAYBE I’LL SEND MYSELF A VALENTINE’S CARD, SOME FLOWERS, AND A BOX OF CANDY – Turtles, my favorite!

Blessed Be, and to All, Be Blessed.

Birth of Consciousness

 

January 1, 2018, is beginning  my official ‘Reckon with My Life’. I am now beginning a New Birth of my Consciousness.  I use this picture for my Facebook cover page, Just Sayin’   Kaye A. Peters, and I entitled it.   True Then…True Now.  We are always in the state of  birthing new consciousness every moment we live. 

Last New Year’s Eve I didn’t pass myself through the portals of the past, nor enter into the unknown of what the future may hold in store.  I actually didn’t remember to have the ‘encounter with my life’ which I have routinely done for years!  It wasn’t until this morning when I did a spontaneous Just Sayin’  “Live” that it came to my mind and I shared it with the world online!  I came to the conclusion I must have realized (unbeknownst to me consciously) that there is no place for this in my life any more, as I earnestly live in the NOW.

Life is to be enjoyed.  I know that the highly elevated “New Year’s Eve” has no more draw where I should muse my past or future years.  I think it would be nice  to reserve  a moment of peace and contemplation every eve, and for that moment,  possess the countenance of such Peace.

Every moment of every day of every year that I am on this planet holds the potential of my greatness because I AM.  Whatever sparks I ignite from within will always become the freedom flames of my privilege of living my life.

Mantra:  I AM as strong as that which created me.   I have Faith in my Faith.  Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

I DON’T LIKE COMPLAINING AND I DON’T LIKE COMPLAINERS!

Each person has their own brand of quarreling when it comes to their individual happiness.

I lived on the desert when I first moved to Arizona, 27 years ago…I liked the houses far apart.  I happen to like the ranchy look – hay bales, chickens in the yards, an old relic tractor standing out front and other memories of ‘how the west was won’ – maybe a wagon wheel (off a covered wagon, I hoped), and a horse barn topped it all off.  Soon enough contractors bought up lots of the land and before I knew it, housing developments started creeping in and ‘the look’ was gone.  At that time this was, perhaps, the most important thing happening in my life.  This may appear pretty shallow to some, but we’re speaking of my individual happiness here.  There was nothing I could do about the encroachment.  Another reason took me away, but for a fact, looking back those many years, I couldn’t have remained because the landscape changed more than I wanted to.

So, I come to this:  When I am disgruntled or dissatisfied with something, do I make a scene about it?  I’ve never questioned whether my behavior challenged any amendments of the United States Constitution.  I guess I’ve always felt I was free to do and say what I wished, trying not to cross personal boundaries (admittedly guilty at times), or violate laws.  Many have cautioned me through the years to keep my opinions to myself, insinuating that my opinions may cause dissension among family members, perhaps, or maybe just plain embarrassment for others.  I don’t believe I ever felt I was challenging ‘the establishment’.  Exercising who I was as a person was never a ‘statement of my freedom privilege’.

These days I am trying first to be true to myself, to my ideals, my principles, my integrity.  Since my son took his life almost 6 years ago, I became more serious about almost everything that pertained to me.  I became even more introspective.  I began to subjectively take areas of my life that I knew I disliked, and I decided to do whatever it took to make the changes within myself that would benefit me and everyone around me.  This is work, but it’s worth it.  I’ll tell you something – there really hasn’t been much time for my mind to be distracted by others’ drama (and there’s plenty to notice) while I keep my nose to my own grindstone.

Many defend their actions based on principle.  It’s everyone’s right to defend their principles.  The question is, does it have to be a public statement?  Or, can it be no different than when we do a good deed for another when no one is watching and we don’t mention it later either?  Can it be done in the confines of our home as we teach our children what we think is right and honorable?

Everything we do gives us learning lessons.  Human beings have been living by the trial-and-error method forever.  It seems we can be very stubborn and self-absorbed.  Thankfully, there seems to be evidence of a slight shift of the heart.  Are people finally beginning to see the dynamic between their level of self-love and self-care as it relates to their ability and level of care and concern that they are capable of having for anyone else around them?  Unmistakably there is the correlation, and no attempted change of anything on the outside can happen until change on the inside takes place.

I have so many ideals and ideas I want to consider, all to the end of my own self-fulfillment and awareness around my privilege of living the best life I can live.  I’m proactive for me.  I am no stoic.  I am a freedom fighter and I have never felt my rights have been violated.

I think it is a huge privilege of life in these United States to earn hundreds of thousands – even millions – of dollars a year, playing the sport one loves to play.  I’ve never heard of any racial discrimination toward anyone who can play the game exceptionally well.

Personal decorum, decency and dignity – very personal, indeed.  I am entitled to my opinions, and I make no judgment –   neither does Karma.  Blessed Be All.

 

  

I was thinking about how I was thinking this morning…how impatient I can think…how, perhaps, this could be interpreted as intolerant of others and where they’re coming from when they comment about something in conversation.

I know I’ve used the expression, “Oh, I’ve just been killing time”, or “I don’t do well with small talk”, or “I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy” .   I think this is the first time I actually subjectively put these thoughts to my thoughts, or down on paper!

Now that I’ve brought these issues seriously to my thoughts, I have decided without question I do not want to be a killer of the very time I try so hard to use as I embrace my excavation of Self to my authenticity, and I certainly do not want to ‘quack away’ saying nothing about nothing and make myself small, and additionally, I’ve always prided myself to repurpose, regift, “waste not, want not”, rewarding my compost gladly with food scraps that I will not be able to eat.

I consider so much all the time when it comes to my responsibility for where I am at any given moment about everything.  There are few things I would not discuss or debate….  religion and politics for two.

I’m aware not everyone is at the same place in their lives as I, and I have no expectation nor impatience regarding that progress.  I fully don’t expect others to think as I do, or believe what I believe.   Life is a personal experience and as I see it, how I interact with other living beings is the extension of me, and therefore, says everything about me!

I see myself as a mover and a shaker.  This only means to me that I’m on my own “Go”.  I move myself along…I start my own engine…I create my own enthusiasm, notwithstanding, of course, I’ll use catalysts that appeal to me and literally pull out of me what’s inside of me already, if you get my meaning.

I think I’m still developing my own life philosophies!  Here, I just turned 80 in April, and to my way of thinking, I can still keep myself on track and move forward by entertaining new thinking that appeals to my ‘stage of enlightenment’ and l recognize it excites me.  It’s like receiving another piece to my life puzzle that makes my life easier, happier, more fulfilling and joyful and rewarding and I’m feeling really good.

So, fellow travelers, Love, Light and Peace.

My newly added words to myself are:  Kaye, try to do it with ease and grace.   I’m trying…I’m trying.

 

 

Today My Life turned another corner – I finished the book I’ve been writing!  Until this very moment, I had no idea when or how the book would end…just as I had no inkling the day I began writing it, just two and one-half short months ago.

I’ve started and never finished three books in my lifetime.  Obviously, as interested I was in beginning each one, I didn’t have enough impetus to finish any of them.  I knew as soon as I began this fourth attempt, that this would be the one that would come to the proper ending….a completed work and a very self-satisfying accomplishment.

Unbridled Commentary….Without Flinch (From a woman of years in “the middle” of her life).  There is no story line….no timeline…no plot …. random thoughts…my opinions about life as I have surmised  through my 80+ years!   There could be more coming…why not?

I initiated Liferays.net July 4, 2015, with full intention of openly excavating my emotions.  I dove to my oysters and searched for the elusive pearls of my essence…my innocence, my purity, unadulterated love for myself and others.  I have not sidestepped or deliberately ignored or hidden anything.  That’s the point of delving into one’s authenticity in the first place, after all!  What I felt, I have shared openly.  I hoped  readers were observing how liberating this experience was proving to be for me.

As I move forward,  I suspect I will be even bolder  as I continue to uncover more emotional artifacts.     The rewards far outweigh the risks as I continue to free my authentic Self.

My book is suspended for now, awaiting my deliberation how to proceed.  The fulfillment and joy that I received writing it has proven to be quite enough for my Soul.  I’ll try to figure out an outlet so others may choose the opportunity to decide whether or not it can be fulfilling to them and provide joy in their lives.

So, for NOW, in my NOW, this is it!   I have all the faith in that which I trust…MYSELF, my goodness of intent, and my Creator.   Blessed Be All.

Years ago, one of my bosses said to me,  “Kaye, I don’t think you take yourself seriously!”    I was so cocky in that time of my life, I didn’t bother to ask him directly what he meant, but for years I wrestled with that off-the-cuff remark.

I wonder why schools don’t offer subjective curriculum on living life. Would it make a difference if we had classes in kindergarten focusing on human similarities and importance of family?    How about classes on feelings… how to work with them… why we have them?  When should a child learn they really do come first and  how do they learn to love themselves when they are not being shown love?  Knowledge on finance is one thing, but when and how does one learn that money is really just a means of exchange, and integrity, honesty, self-satisfaction, peace, contentment,faith, love and gratitude are the MEASURES of abundance in life.

Parents and teachers can’t have all of these answers – they have their own problems!   A downhill spiraling ripple effect exists, and what I observe is yet another target for change at depth is being ignored.   I must hold myself accountable and insist others around me do the same.

I learned so late that I was my best friend and my opinion about myself was the only valid one.    Peer pressure couldn’t exist if we trusted our own decision-making, strength and commitment to being the best we can be,  following our own personal dictates.   Life’s learning lessons are more  a privilege  we receive when we are alert and serious about the choices we are making as we mature.

I started a much more serious spiritual journey in 2011, after my eldest son took his life.   I saw his image on my kitchen wall  two days after he passed, and when I finally got over the startle, my introspective nature surfaced with purpose and  I began weaving some of the loose ends of my ‘Forever Path’ tapestry.  Clearly, beginning this blog in 2015, is evidence of how my Higher Self has led me in my journey toward my truth.

In these senior years, I am learning  living life is so much easier as I continue to explore and excavate just exactly  how important am I to ME?    My peace and liberty depends upon these answers.  I’ve had to get much more serious about how I think about everything that has to do with living!

Each day I awaken presents the OUTCOME of my choices.  As I zero-in on who I am and WHAT I AM BECOMING, I know that sincere, honest and undivided attention to where I’m headed is required.    

I CHART MY PROGRESS BY THAT WHICH ATTRACTS TO ME and THAT WHICH SLIPS AWAY.   Blessed Be.

   

 

I think most people mean well – me included – when they see another needing help of some kind.  Love has a lot to do with it!

It’s up for grabs whether or not I hand out a buck or two to the person on the corner with a sign, and when I drop coins or bills in the Red Kettle.  I  can be very arbitrary when a stranger comes up to me in a parking lot and asks  for spare change.  I remember one time a woman told me she was so broke she didn’t have toilet paper.  I opened up my trunk and promptly handed her two rolls out of what I had just purchased.    I got a dirty look!

But, when a close friend or family member comes forward and asks for help, or I observe they could use a leg up in some way, I am more apt to listen and offer something to ease their plight for the short term anyway, unless they’ve worn out their welcome, so to speak.

The question is, when such help is extended for periods of time, can a well meaning and loving intent turn into an action of enabling?  I’m wrestling with just this subject and there are many facets to it.  Love is most definitely in my heart.  Pain and sorrow are there.  Anger is  there.  Trying to do the right thing is there.  A powerless feeling  is there.  Determination in trying to do the best for all concerned is there.  Love is most definitely in my heart.

Sometimes unintentional hurt on both sides cannot be helped.

I’m known to speak my mind and I don’t have much difficulty articulating my needs.  I know what’s in my heart…I know there must be change…I know I will be the initiator.    It does not hurt me when I make my feelings known. Love is most definitely in my heart.

I’ve just recounted the periphery of my own “series of events” which I have often defined as what I believe “life is all about”.  I am able to rest with myself that Good will come of my actions.   My core beliefs have been tested before in my lifetime.   Overcoming challenges in life is a given.

This has been a time of my life that has required me to be faithful to my core beliefs and  the very truths I have spoken in my videos.  This has been a time I have most earnestly tried to do the right thing for everyone concerned.  This has been a time that I have faced the faith I have in myself and the Universe  in  FULL TRUST that I would be guided toward the GOOD OF MYSELF, AND ALL AROUND ME.

This is no Cliffhanger.

LOVE IS MOST DEFINITELY IN MY HEART.  Blessed Be.