Fulfillment

 

I am mindful this morning that I have so many feelings inside of me, and if I don’t stop and sift through them, I’m missing the opportunity to express myself about them…either to myself, or to the world at large.  I think Self Expression rates high with Self-Esteem because to feel good about expressing myself out loud to others, I feel I have self confidence that my feelings are important to declare.

My feelings aren’t only about myself, either.  This is why I like to give credit where credit is due to others.  When I observe outstanding qualities in others, or their appearance, their demeanor which I find to be so exemplary, I’m almost forced inside to say something outwardly so others can feel my admiration.

It comes to mind  how I feel about what I’m observing has all to do with my inward perception and my outward expression of compassion and kindness.  When I’m able to express positive words and actions about another to someone else, I am extending positive energy to the ethos of humankind.

These kinds of feelings point out to me that I am loving myself well too.  The feelings that are inside for another generate from the feelings I have for myself…a softness, an awareness, and general state of well being for me and others.   The world is as harsh as it feels to me…and as welcoming too.  When I am comfortable as I wend my days, I’m comfortable with myself, so I will be comfortable with what is around me too.  I am also reminded that I have a generous heart when I think like this.  That I am thinking outside myself, and it isn’t about me!

From within, Kaye is realizing the ripple effect of what she receives from her connection with Source, and automatically perpetuates this connection with what is around her.  She is feeling the magnanimity of it all.     ~Gaya

 

 

Talk about an open-ended question!  “What do you want to make of it?”  And, then again, what a powerful suggestion:  YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO MAKE OF ANYTHING!

I absolutely believe my mind’s thoughts create my world.   I am living one way or another by virtue of my perception of what is around me or presented to me.  Another absolute, as far as I’m concerned, is whatever I say and think comes from inside of me.  So, whatever I am up to, one way or another, is preceded by what is inside of me!  To admit and agree to this necessarily abides total responsibility for where I am at any given time in my life, my day, my thoughts, my happiness, my sadness, my satisfaction or dissatisfaction to everything.

If I have disorder in my mind, I have disorder in my life.  It follows this has not only to do with general orderliness in my home, but also the quality of my restfulness and peace and happiness in my day-to-day living.  I know I have written a blog or two on how  letting my mind wander into territory which has not one thing to do with my well being keeps me from tending to fluidity of my spirit.  I want a healthy spirit, mind and body.  I want to live a Spiritual Practice  of my Faith in what I believe to be the ground-rules of my existence.

If I don’t provide myself direction, where will I find myself at any given time?  If I am learning lessons along my pathway of spiritual questing, do I not owe myself the benefit of these lessons to be using them as I keep on keeping on?   My answer to these questions is, this is the Power I have!  

Living in the NOW requires  an immediacy of action without premeditation.  It takes intentional acceptance within Self  that I am able to provide intentional organizational response and this, in turn, assures connection to my Gaya, which is always in abeyance of my heart’s desires toward wholeness.

What is my Bottom Line?  I am a part of all Greatness of the Universe.  I came to be here in this NOW with aim and purpose, to experience everything I can that fills me up, and never diminish what I already am.

Together, We are Alpha and Omega for eternity.  We are each journey chosen. We are as deep as you wish to go. We are the sunrise and sunset.  We are inseparable.  We Are.               ~Gaya

“We” make “It”!

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

I

 

Go Figure!  My brain is always pushing something out of me!…clever, maybe…profound, maybe…useless? oops! Never useless!

Life continues to amaze me!  The older I get, the more amazing it is becoming…notice that I’m writing in the present tense…nothing about having “arrived” or “figured anything out” for certain!  I have a twinkle in my heart this morning.  Why?  Just yesterday, I followed my nose…IN THE NOW, YOU KNOW…and sat in on a live-streaming show on the internet.  I really didn’t think I’d be staying long…I wanted to watch the host.  Instead, I became mesmerized with the panel of women who were showcasing their talents and success in their individual entrepreneurial endeavors.  My brain was swimming…these young women were sophisticated as they explained what they were up to and how they had figured out their niche businesses.

I couldn’t let it go, and already I have contacted one of them….this is the thing about that spark within me.  Just when I think I have gotten comfortable, and then another ball is tossed to me and in a split second...YES A SPLIT SECOND!...NO TIME TO PUT A THOUGHT OF FEAR INTO IT, ONLY TIME TO KNOW I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, MAYBE ALL TO GAIN JUST FOR ME...ANOTHER CHANCE TO GRAB ONTO THE BRASS RING OF SELF-FULFILLMENT!

That’s it!  I’M A BOOTSTRAP KIND OF WOMAN!  My brain keeps working overtime….and obviously ‘over time’…(these 81+ years).

These fabulous thoughts which produce my actions continue to be wonderful.  They’re not book titles, they are Life Chapters…I did the ‘book thing’… I’m  always DOING the Life Thing!

I’m receiving answers to questions I haven’t even formulated in my head yet!

I’ve pulled up my boots by their straps…They’re made for walkin’…or runnin’ …whatever gets me where I’m wanting to go at the right time, without huffin’ and puffin’…no pushin’ or shovin’.

THERE’S TIME TO DO ALL THAT MY HEART WANTS TO DO!

What a question I have posed.  This is interesting territory!  Is the pressure ON or OFF?!!

In my small world, I am firstly, a single woman of years… a mother… a friend… a neighbor… an author…a Buddhist practitioner…the host of a weekly online  ‘live’ broadcast from my Facebook page, Just Sayin’   Kaye A. Peters… a member of a few authors’ groups on Facebook…a customer in any retail environment…and at the end of each day, lastly, I am still a single woman of years enjoying the privilege of living my life in the Human Condition with no endgame in sight, but, first and foremost I am a Spiritual Being, and must attend to my Soul.  

Each hour that I am privileged to live, I try to fulfill my roles to whatever degree my responsibility presents itself.  I essentially believe I am ‘living my purpose’ to its fullest,  doing the very best I can and being the very best I can be.  Thus, it follows, by my intentions I am nourishing my Soul and providing myself with joys and happiness and continued awareness and enlightenment that become a perpetuation of self actualization.

I am finding that I have what I will call ‘soulful antennae’.  These are feelers that extend from me and ‘pick up’ mixtures of energies that are always swirling around me and from within me too.  I notice I find it difficult to distinguish them when it comes to what, if any, action is required of me.  I’m concluding right now that it is primary that I decipher what is mine to tackle.  I am responsible to leap my own hurdles.  Sometimes there has been a soft place for me to fall, and sometimes I have been that for another too. Kindness, interest, encouragement and support are wonderful gestures to lend a hand or a leg up to someone on their own path.  Altruistic Action.

The answer to my question,  What is expected of ME?    Whatever I can do that fills my Soul while providing self-fulfillment to my human life purpose, honoring my Creator in gratitude for my well-meaning Presence in the larger world picture.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

Forget the masks!  They’re chicken feed compared to what I’m uncovering now!  I don’t want to be a fighter anymore!  I don’t want to be a defender of who I am, anymore!  I do want to be A “softie”…I have absolutely nothing to fear and I know this NOW!

To all who may have followed me thus far, we know when I declare “I am a strong woman”,  this is more than an identity I have given to myself.  It is the beginning of ‘the greatest defense to a good offense!’  I am fitting my own battle of Jericho!

Because of a series of events recently in my life, and profound awakening  I now recognize and acknowledge, I am ready to get down to the WHYS and WHAT happened way back when in my childhood that taught me how to put up The Great Wall….never to be devastated to that extent again!

 I’ve been so tightly wound up, it is like a riddle of my own life if I’m ready to unwind myself back to ‘wherever’…and as I write these words, I am smiling and cradling myself in my own arms, knowing everything is quite okay and peaceful wherever I find myself landing.

Vulnerable…Naked…Bare…Defenseless.   I am now more able to share this space with  Nonchalant…Relaxing into it…resting in the lesson(s) that are offered me now to my greatest peace of all!

Suddenly, weights have lifted; so much seems ridiculously simple and easy to discard; it’s like I have just said to myself, “”WOW, how could this have been so simple, and how is it that it has taken me 80+ years to get to this place?!”

Keep it Simple!  YES!  Just Do it!  YES!  It Doesn’t Matter!  YES!  Inner Peace!  YES!   To Absolutely Know what ‘GO WITH MY FLOW’ really means!  YES!  Yes, Oh Yes, I Know what ‘IT IS BETWEEN ME AND ME’ means NOW!  YES!  And the list goes on.

It’s my way to explode with what I feel at the time – and this blog is no exception.  It’s not the be-all-end-all with all my answers, NO IT IS NOT!  But, it is my willingness to crack open my human shell and again, peer through myself to that other side where there may just be nothing…other than my mind’s view…my own thoughts which I have created justifying my existence.  Even this doesn’t really matter in the long run.   I hope I will soon learn there is no need to raise my voice again.  I hope I will soon learn there are times I can easily be quiet.  And, I hope I will always enjoy the privilege of using my voice to speak my truth in my own space in this time.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

We’ve heard about many who  ‘ponder the meaning of life’, right?  This topic has been intellectualized far too much by far too many in my estimation.  Why don’t people ponder their own lives?  After all, that’s what we know most about isn’t it?

I know myself better than anyone ever has or ever will – this includes my parents, sibling, husbands or best friends (but with one exception, perhaps, my Messenger and deep friend, Jannette Hoeksema).  I’ve never conveyed power over me to anyone, but in Jannette’s case, I have allowed a self-initiated invasion of my deepest privacy whether it be events in my life, or my emotions and pains through which I have learned my lessons to this very day.

Everyone should find an accountability partner.  Someone whom they can explode in front of – not in rage, but with authenticity and consistency and honesty – for the sake of absolute personal freedom to be who they are without fear of criticism or recrimination.

There was a time,  a glove was slapped across a face inviting a duel, in the name of Honor. Men chose death, upholding that honor…was it ego?  Who can know.  Heroics have been witnessed when a civilian,  or in wartime, an individual has jumped in the face of death to save another, or many, without regard to personal welfare.  There was Honor in those hearts to be sure.

Where is my honor?  Is it synonymous with integrity.  I might say so.  The first blog I ever wrote had to do with addiction.  I openly admitted I had beaten the addictions of alcohol and pills known as ‘uppers’ or ‘speed’.  That said, I also stated (I’m sure in the name of my Honor)”… Proudly, I’ve conquered these addictions – but I’m always keeping both eyes open – never to forget my self esteem and self respect are on the line!…”

Self esteem and self respect are huge honorable descriptive traits and this must be felt inside.  But, before I could feel it inside of me, I had to make a conscious commitment to make some changes and then uphold these actions, whereupon I then began to feel self esteem and self respect because I was keeping my promise to myself  and I never took that promise, nor the reasoning behind it, anything less than serious.

Too much talking, too little doing, not enough pondering of our own life.  We talk about things we can do nothing about, and we  complain about things in our lives that we can do everything about.  What is it?  Personal cowardice, laziness, lying, exaggeration,  small talk, superficiality, insincerity, boredom, procrastination or…wait for it…just plain wasting all-too-precious time of our lives!

I’ve shown my heroics and daring to state how I feel about what people are up to and not up to in their lives.  Personally, I am not affected because these time-wasters aren’t my type.  BUT SOCIALLY our children may be at high risk, and our world most definitely is at risk.  If human beings don’t start getting more serious about who they are, how they think, how important their lives are and their responsibilities to themselves and ultimately to this world, WHAT ON EARTH DO WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO AS A SOCIETY?

It is no wonder I show impatience from time to time.  No judgment here, but as the ecologists keep telling us, it is absolutely wrong to pollute our planet, I also believe it is absolutely wrong to dismiss oneself and the importance of having been created on this planet.   Everyone owes it to mankind to try to be the best they can be for themselves and as we intermingle, we all reap the benefits of honoring Self.

There is nothing to prove to another human being… there is everything to prove to one Self.  Blessed Be All.

 

 

 

So, I got up this morning, hit my ‘GO’ button, and here I am starting this blog!  That’s what I mean…Life is here for the taking… all of the time.  If we don’t give much thought how we begin, other than to start with a smile and trust the best is yet to come, how wonderful is that anyway?

I’ll never let myself be called a PollyAnna!  No, I see the world all right; I can’t be happy with lots that goes on AT ANY TIME…but, I can always be happy  with what’s going on inside of me.  

Life, in general, is situational.  My Life, on the other hand is personal!  I give myself attitude, latitude, gratitude, magnitude, energy, synergy…I AM the  pulse, the impulse and all else that goes into who I choose to be in all my integrity and truth to myself and what I want to stand for.

I AM the only one who can soften my own blows, set or reset my boundaries, sift out my own facts for my own reality, restructure whatever may be calling for my attention….I AM the only one responsible to stay aligned with my Creator,  fully trusting that alliance will always keep me on course.    I AM ANSWERABLE TO MYSELF!

This said, I love making the choice to live In the Presence, In the Now…It is so freeing to let Life Present to Me….the newness of this experience…no planning, or endless to-do lists or expectations of “shoulds” in any day.  Of course, one does the mundane… grocery lists, keeping track of appointments, maintenance and repairs, etc…… but to drop the obligatory thought process of what should be doing in this lifetime on a daily basis is absolutely over-the-top optimistically joyful!

No need to dread the all too frequent inquisitions of “When?”, “How?”, “Where?” and “Why?”, ever again!  My confident answer is, “We’ll See!”

I am a leader, not a follower.  I am a starter and I’ll finish when I get to that enigmatic finish [Life] line!  All I have to do is keep pressing my ‘GO’ button every day I awaken to the privilege of living my life that I was created to live.

WHAT’S TO THINK ABOUT?  “GO”!   Blessed Be.

 

I love this picture of myself – some may recognize the area of the country, Sedona, Arizona.  It represents who I am to ME!  I love horses, days of the Old West, and above all, I feel FREE in the Wide Open Spaces!

I’m recognizing a space within me that is trying very hard to emerge…a place where I want to feel more compassion toward others as well as myself.  We all have this wonderful emotion, but for some of us, it lays deep, almost dormant.  Why?  Because the art of survival closed off this place as we worked our way through more difficult times of our lives – Speaking for myself, of course.

All these many years later, I am fully aware I no longer have any need to survive, but instead,  have a NEED to unearth my compassion and love so I can envelope my own Self in this warmth of my soul.  I’m realizing that even though I have forgiven others as well as myself through the years, there are ‘chips’ … residue of certain downed trees of my life… that have remained.  This blanket of chips restricts me from  living out complete inner warmth toward everything within and without and around my whole being.   It is only now that I have been able to get in touch with this part of ME.  It is the place where all of the daintiest, most intimate of my experiences have been kept for safekeeping – until now –  when I am capable and willing to resurrect them so they may take their sacred place in my heart where I may nurture them in the sunlight of my privilege of living my life.  This desire to enlarge my heart space toward compassion is  compelling, and I am deliberately  drawing my awareness to these wonderful feelings.    Clearly, this destiny outweighs all else.

I recently spoke in a video of the place of joy that I discovered within myself, and this is yet another awareness toward fulfilling a joyous aspect of human existence, and I’m touching my essence.  I feel my connection with Self.

I have no axes to grind, I want no chips on my shoulders that weigh me down from the pleasures of my full life.  I am demanding release from my emotional blindness.

My Open Spaces are Wider and I  savor this newly introduced Freedom. Blessed Be.

 

I’ve been trying to excavate my feelings beneath my words these days…to not only feel the feelings but bring them into the light so I can interpret them.

I discovered how absolutely wonderful it felt (while in the shower, of course) to know  my intention was to get back into my morning routine for my peace of mind.   Clearly, if I have peace in my mind there is clarity of thought that provides me with ideas and words that become the action of who I am and whom I am trying to become.

As I stand at the helm of my ship, and look out into the ocean of my world, it occurs to me that I am always looking for beacons (Liferays, if you will), to shine toward me  to show me some direction.  The life inside me stirs and awakens this naturally, I think….if I can be as peaceful and quiet in my mind to be able to ‘hear’ and ‘see’ the gifts that are being extended to me.  By the same token, I, too, send forth beacons that might find places to shine for another.

I’ve openly stated that I write my blog for me first…  it has served as a rewarding and enlightening personal therapy.  As I intuit the material for each article, I am forced to face my words and live them the best way I know how…always learning, always growing.  In so doing, I absolutely know that I am changing and growing in a good way…I know it’s good because I feel extreme freedom and peace as I journey through the whole process.

The windows and doors I’ve opened have allowed a dimension to my life that is proving to be exhilarating and fulfilling.  I have begun sharing ME with an audience. I am amongst likeminded friends and  I now have another way to send a different beacon from my lighthouse.

As I find  my pathway opening up…I am proof that when I intend to make some change, The Universe flings open and sends to me whatever will be to my greatest good.

There’s a subtle caveat within my enlightening journey, however.   As I  move ahead, there are pieces that I want to bring forward with me.  People whom I love and want to keep in my life….Memories that have flavored my soul and softened my hard corners as I learn to accept love and give love.  I have to be careful when I consider all of this, and more than ever keep my eyes on my compass and look for the beacons that are trying to shine toward me.  I proceed in the Faith that my decisions will be made with total consideration and care to the greatest good of All.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here, it’s the day after Thanksgiving Day, my absolute favorite of holidays, and I’m beginning to solemnize the coming countdown to the end of the year!

I don’t exactly remember how I started this personal tradition – it was many, many years ago – but it has become an ever so  sweet ‘encounter with my life’ as it  unfolds each past year.  There’s nothing sad about it.  There is a ‘tickling look around the corner’ , and  a standard of personal pride, as I recollect my projects and/or accomplishments, my spiritual ‘questations’, new learning, overcoming whatever challenges that had presented, and my general “Peace in the Valley”, here in Arizona.  It took me about 21 years to return, and now I’ve been here another 25 years, where I absolutely belong and thrive!

Actual New Year’s  Eve presents itself to me as a ‘rest’.  I start my process early evening, and sometimes it lasts several hours…or conversely, it can last only 20-30 minutes.  I think the duration may be directly related in part to my advancing age.

When I was younger I used to look back 10 years and forward 10 years.  I’d gently reflect my past – never came up regretting a thing! – and projected the coming 10 years –  setting out dreams and goals and ideas how I wanted my life path to wend.  Nothing was ever written in ink!  As I aged, the 10-year span lessened to 8 and then 5.   But,  last year I pulled myself up short!  I became quite unsettled in the notion that due to my actual age, I might not have 5 years to project!  For a time, my joy came to an abrupt halt!  Couldn’t I have any more dreams and goals?  Couldn’t I be wishful and even romantic in my mind as I placed one foot in front of the other on my path?  Was I so near the end of my human life that I was left to ‘settling for’ and making plans for my restriction, not my freedom of living?  Thankfully, this horrifying thinking was short lived!

Of course, I had a life in front of me…the same life with the same unknown future length of time! It became easy for me to ‘rest’ again, and review my past 5 and unknown future 5 years, without any intimidation or hesitation, as I formulated my goals and ideas and ‘forever  path’.  I laughed at myself for even entertaining such  paralyzing thoughts!  Fact is, I’ve never known when my time will be up, and never will, so I’ll just keep living ’till I’m stopped!

I’m looking forward to ‘resting’ this coming yearend as I gather all the wonderful memories and ongoing experiences I’ve already accumulated – all of which are new to me – ever!   When I peek ahead, I am aroused by the excitement which builds within me –  not unlike anticipating Christmas morn when I was a youngster –  as I begin to exercise my Magical Thinking and let loose  that side of me where absolutely anything and everything is possible!

By the time New Year’s Eve arrives, I’ll be ready….and  the twists from my magical thoughts will soar into the Universe much to my delight.

Watch Out World, Here I Come!

Ready or Not

Ready or Not