GAYA

People say, “Wake up!”, or “They just haven’t awakened”, or “They haven’t seen the light”, or whatever.  In a way, isn’t this a demeaning, dismissing way of viewing others, if one thinks ‘they have‘!  To me this rather sounds like “I’m here, you’re there, I outrank you, but you’ll get there someday, but until that time, I’m of a higher echelon group, a bit more elevated, I’ve ‘attained’, but I can ‘help you if you listen to me’, but I love you just the same.”  I guess when one can say these things, and write words around them, one believes them.

I’ve spent nearly four years publicly excavating myself to authenticity right to this moment.  In looking back, this was actually the beginning of my  intentional living and practicing my spirituality as I have been working with it.

I have had a constant thread intention of wanting to rid myself of as much Karmic Debt as I can before I take a hike!  So, what exactly does this mean to me?  When I have these ‘itchy, gut triggers’ which spontaneously erupt, I figure this is a sign to ‘get at it’.  BUT, BIGGER THAN THIS is the constant rub I have with certain loved ones  which doesn’t go away.  I know we’re together for a reason – more than the ‘family/friendship thing’ – and for a couple of years I’ve been pretty clear that there’s some healing to be done!  Frankly, I don’t want to have to get into this stuff in another life if I can help it!

I learned a while back I’m the one who has to see things differently, I’m the one who has to get things to be as I want them to be right in front of me, and I’m the only one who has to keep switching up the lenses until I see what is actually there, not what I think is actually there!  What this turns out to be is the Art of Loving as I’ve come to feel it.  I’m not here to be teaching others – except by example, of course, but I am here to teach myself.   This loving is all-inclusive, beginning with me, then reaching out to all around me.  The responsibility is always on me first, loving myself first, so I already have within myself that intention of creating the peace and understanding and compassion and kindness and thoughtfulness toward another. When I am able to extend myself like this, I have struck the chords within me that prove to be enlightening and I get personal awareness of my successful achievement of having  found my goal of understanding what I’ve needed to learn.  Nothing can be achieved without self-honesty.  There’s no proving anything to myself; there is the opening up of my real self to Me and then there is what I will call pure understanding and light.  It is an amazing experience and I’ve just spent a full week in this Grace of Life.

When one understands the soul-connection one has with the Whole of Everything, it is the heart-consciousness meld experiencing the joy and happiness and fulfillment of all the heart’s wishes which are nothing but the extreme love of Self and the extension of that love to all others.   ~Gaya

What I have just written has come from a very deep place within me.  It’s from the Soul Knowledge Treasure, perhaps.  It’s a beautiful pearl which I have found in my World Oyster. 

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

When I come here, I’m travelling in my small world.  I’m working with my NOW, as Life appears in front of me.  I guess I receive my own “Liferays”!  I do believe I am connected to ALL THERE IS.

Last evening, I learned from the well-known spiritualist, Ram Dass, about a quiet meditation with nothing more than a repetition of  the mantra “I Am Loving Awareness”.  Initially these words come from the brain and then I move my experience slowly to my ‘spiritual heart’…continuing to silently repeat the mantra, waiting for another door to open to an expanded place of awareness.   I was reminded that Loving Awareness is loving everything I am aware of.

This is remarkable to me because I often say out loud, “I love this”, when I’m doing stuff around the house.  Whatever the eyes rest on, or whatever warm feeling I have inside, there is that added space of awareness where I audibly acknowledge ‘I love it’! Believing everything is part of me, it follows IF I LOVE MYSELF, I LOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND ME AS WELL.

This is no ‘arrival’ for Kaye, but rather a new door which is opening in her personal journey.  We welcome her search and meet her with support and guidance which is exactly what she invites.  What is wanted and needed is what we provide to ALL who ask.       ~Gaya

I find it fitting that I have apparently entered a new phase of understanding and I look forward with excitement to what will present.  This business of living in the NOW continues to amaze me.  Yesterday, I wasn’t thinking like I am today!  Nothing stays the same.  Life is an exploration of thoughts and things we do, who we think we are, who we think we want to be, what we think we like, what we decide to discard…I guess we are in a movie, and may as well sit back and take it all in.

It makes so much more sense now when I remarked  a while back I didn’t think I would be continuing my New Year’s Eve “encounter with my life”.  Thoughts change, things change, life changes, and I’m changing right along with it.  Changing for the better, I’d say!

A new second, minute, hour, day, month, and soon, new year.  Time begins to mean less and less.  ‘It’s’ IT!  What ‘Is’, IS!…but FOR NOW.   I’m learning to savor it ALL in its time.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

Something fabulous happened this morning! I just had to tell a member of my Literary Team,  the one who formats  my books and designs my book covers.  Just Sayin’.

In my earlier years, I just had to tell everything to everyone in my world… friends and strangers alike.  It appeared I was bragging. What I was really doing was trying to bring myself UP from the lower place of lack of self-worth.

My small world never heard how scared I was while I was raising my sons.  NO!  Everyone saw  “Of course, I can do it…I chose it, I do it, I survive, I’m great, I can twirl all the plates and juggle all the balls without blinking an eye!”  You already know that got me seven years of acute anxiety shaking!

Now, I ‘explode’ to my “Insiders”…the small circle in my small world.

The only ones that know me anymore are in my inner circle.  I realize I have been leading myself UP to every Today, every Now, and it finally occurred to me this morning that I have to be ‘caught on the fly’…because living in the NOW doesn’t have a resting place.  I don’t sit down and take inventory anymore.  I live, I respond from my heart, I see the fantastic results and I register absolute gratitude for everything in my life.

The world at large doesn’t need to hear an explosion out of me anymore. My life unfolds now. I am my example. 

Kaye’s explosive nature clearly is recognizing internally, she is resolute and content with the way we are continuously unfolding her dreams and desires to perfection.   ~Gaya

Happy Thanksgiving!  My favorite holiday.  My heart is full of gratitude.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t ask me why and how I am truly moved to begin another blog…it’s those almost deafening ‘silent sounds’ that pull me to the page!

I’m hoofing again, and I think this has something to do with it!  I’ll never be able to explain how easily I can leave the hoof for so many months and then, when I return, it’s like I can’t figure out how I could have taken that hiatus from the activity that keeps me alive in so many ways!

It’s like my singing in the shower.  I know fully well why I started it up those 3+ years ago, and today, there is a fulfillment in it…almost a ‘swan song’, if you will, that screams to me silently, ‘You Did It, Kaye”!  I’ve always known what I was attempting to do and why I had set this goal inside of me.  It was all part of the onion-peel!  I knew what I was lacking and I had figured out a way I could slowly, but surely, bring it out of me:   Self-Confidence!   Now, it’s just plain pure pleasure when I let my ‘inside Angel’ loose as the water streams!

We told her this morning, she was meant to sing, speak and write and we are so happy for her and she is aware.  We found it comical and childlike.  She was four years old.  It was Christmas Eve in church with her parents…without any hesitation, she slipped from the pew and walked up to the front of the church and sang “Silent Night, Holy Night”, and then returned to her seat.  Pride, yet embarrassment, swept through her mother.  What a Blessing to Remember, Kaye.    ~Gaya

I enjoy my inspirations, and how I can muse to myself now with such clarity.  It’s hard to describe the peace and understanding that I feel and continue to enjoy every step on my Ladder(s) of Life.

My Ladder(s) of Life Progress are interesting:  I can easily come to a Vee.  I can move forward in certain areas of my life and then there are other areas which hold me as if I were in mud!  I always continue in both directions, and while I’m in the mud, I stay with it…trying for the breakthrough to veer back on the full-progress track.  Presently, my ‘mud’ is “Detachment”.  Loving those I love, while detaching from them in that love, and in this process enjoying the exquisite peace and understanding that as individuals we are duty bound to travel our own ways as we reach for our own successes and awareness.  Intellectually, I know this is attainable.  The integration of this whole concept takes its good old-fashioned time while the work continues.  I’ll share with everyone every step of ‘this way’.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

What’s in a face?  Why save face?  Why put on a happy face?  Face forward! Why use make-up to cover up the face?  There is nothing wrong with the REAL FACE!

A while back, in another exercise toward authenticity,  I was determined to strip away whatever labels I had attached to myself:  I went to a gym to strength train; I walked a mile in 18 minutes; I kept my weight pretty strictly between 130-132 pounds (and was proud of it!).  ALL…drum roll please…at the age of 78-80!  This was my picture of Kaye…I prided myself in it.  I had convinced myself this was part of the REAL ME!  “How Great Thou Art, Kaye”!

I’m getting better at recognizing when my  prideful EGO slivers into my consciousness and it is much easier to recognize and peel off  “that face, that face, that beautiful face”, and idle back to the ME that is  JUST ME!..The perfectly imperfect ME… the ME that I smile at every morning in the mirror  with fond recognition.  It’s more than  good enough for me, and that’s all that counts!

Facing facts  as I relax into my ‘easy peasey’ comfortable-with-ME space, I find I am far less concerned about what others are up to!  Everyone else can figure out their own stuff. It’s my peace I care about and my awareness that I’m continuously gaining because I do care more about me and love me more than anyone else.  I can be authentic around anyone, whether or not they are authentic with me.

Kaye has figured out that beneath ‘it all’, rests everything that is sweet and comfortable in her privilege of living her life to the fullest, and she knows it isn’t fancy, or loud or flashy, it is more on the mundane side of things because there is so much joy and happiness that extends to everything around and within her.  She has figured out that there is nothing specific that makes her happy.   She is happy for happiness’ sake.    ~Gaya. 

There is no question, I am working with another aspect of living in the NOW with myself.  I am more serious about what I have inside of me that must come out.  This isn’t necessarily about peeling my onion as much as it is about my Spiritual Nature, my Soul Self, my Higher Self.  I believe I have a Personal Emotional Guidance System and my consciousness wants a deeper connection to it.  I now have a sense that my innate ‘independent nature’ may well be that very System that has always been a part of my character.  I am on untread ground.  I am turning an unfamiliar corner far deeper within.  These aren’t answers carved in stone. This is how I pursue unanswered questions, as I stay interested and open waiting for answers.  ASK and I shall RECEIVE.

ABOUT FACE!!  BACK TO MY SPIRITUAL QUESTING!!

 

 

 

 

 

I will not allow my Joy to be snuffed by others’ actions! I will not allow my state of Beingness to be maligned by words from others’ mouths!  I am whole and complete…I am totally perfect at Essence, and I have been in the process of transformation since I became!

Yes, I am in perpetual  transformation, filtering information that comes to me through ‘intended sources’ which at perfect timing resonates with me, and I then begin to understand and integrate it into my whole SELF.

At 81+ years old, I am still at the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Slowly but surely I am melting into myself and I am seeing with more clarity.

Just what is it that stirs me..opening up my brain to see a little more of who I am?  Is it “Spirit” moving me?  Is it Source Energy…my Gaya…that finds a crevice to enter so I can see that bit more light that provides more answers?  I come to believe this day that I don’t have to name it! I just have to be aware that IT IS!  I believe because I feel the impact within,  I know I AM IN TOUCH WITH WHAT IS! 

I know there is much more and my unquenchable thirst thrusts me forward in my search…a Spiritual Addiction..meaningful only to me…slicing through me, letting all the air out of the balloon veils releasing and freeing me from the shackles of others’ dictates and judgments of who I am; my self-talk that restricts me from accepting I am made in the likeness of God, Source Energy, My Creator, The Universe...ALL THAT IS! 

Somehow, it  now seems so simple to be able to entertain this as truth, instead of holding on to all the other stuff that is negative and hurtful to me…which my EGO would have me do.  Yes, it is the EGO endlessly trying to devalue and foil me…it is EGO-PURPOSE.

I will be more conscious to enforce and reinforce my Essential Goodness.  My transformation will continue as I remind myself of my Spiritual Composition:  Love and Light.

It is in the awareness that transformation takes place.  There is a countenance of  internal understanding that pervades  and rests easy inside you, Kaye.  You have found, yet again, another piece of your ‘knowledge puzzle’.           ~Gaya

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

Today I am coming face forward to something that I admit to myself I started as a seed thought well over a year ago!

What am I saying?  I’m trying to explain that I am witnessing the dynamic of just how the mind creates what it wants to see…and as long as that initial seed thought is there and germinating, the ‘workings from Source Energy’ are continuing toward the manifestation of this thought.

I can’t explain why I originated that seed thought…and believe me, I am honest with myself that I did, indeed, originate it!  It must be something from another life, is all I think it could be.  After all, when something or someone appears in our life…something or someone I have never known before in this life…there is a ‘lesson’ that is presenting to me.  Yes, a lesson is coming,  and I already know, it is my own integrity and honor and depth of character that is being tested.  I WILL MAKE IT!!!

No, Kaye, this is not from another life.  This is Your Essence bringing an experience to work through yet another lesson which needs to be dealt with, once and for all.  It is You, Kaye,  who has the propensity  either to ‘fall short’…or, as you say, “I will make it!!!”  You are acting out your own movie within the movie of this life and as We see, You are working through it successfully.   ~   Gaya

What a wonderment this blog has turned out to be for me!  I am the one who sits on my own shoulder monitoring carefully what goes on with me!  Call it Conscience or Wisdom or Character or Integrity or Honor or Truth to Self.  Yes, it’s Truth to Self.  

Little did I know when I began this journey of transformation  July 4, 2015, when Liferays.net was originated, what was in store for me.  Thankfully, I  have tried to come from my heart and in honesty the best I know how.  

Living in the NOW requires mindfulness and sincerity of purpose.  I have known this all along.  To be mindful means I have had to slow down…observe, not only my thoughts, but also that which presents to me.  Today’s awareness is an Acme of personal awareness.  It’s like I’m extinguishing a part of me…it’s letting go of something that I have been capable of doing which has never served me well.   As I write these very words, I feel extremely powerful in saying NO!  I WILL NOT GO DOWN THIS ROAD  AGAIN!  

I realize this may read as an unsolved mystery, but believe me, Another of My Mysteries Has Been Solved!  Another mask has been pulled off!   HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

When I give my word, I want it to mean something.  Until this morning, I figured I wanted it to mean something to someone else.  When I make an appointment time, I’ll be there on time, or a bit before; when I say I’ll call you back, I’ll do so; when I say I’m here for you,   I WILL, I AM.  It’s important to me that I be a reliable person to another person.  I know this is part of my ‘integrity puzzle piece’.

This morning, it comes to me VERY LOUDLY,  do I care as much about keeping my word to myself?  On the surface, this seems like such a simple question/answer.  BUT, the picture I have in my mind’s eye has a much more far-reaching scope.

My word ties to my thoughts…My word has a subliminal message that is meaningful only to me…that is, if I want to dig a little for it.  My  ‘word’ actually has placed me at any given time in the setting of a day, week, month, or year(s) of my life.  My ‘word’ as it relates to self-talk, is the truth to myself…my opinion about myself, unless I am careful NOT to believe me!

She’s talking about the ‘unspoken word’.  The thoughts she knows she has had all of her life, her deep down thinking that she now knows confiscated her life for the time she bowed to mistakes in her assumptions about situations, and people.  The times she thoughtlessly participated in activities that were not in her best interests nor to her greatest good.  She is  resurrecting and excavating again to her authenticity how she could misguide herself by her lack of awareness that thoughts have cemented her to the result, as surely as the verbal words of intention, as she knows now  create her life every step of the way.                                                        ~  Gaya

It is important for me to ask the important questions to myself, and even more importantly, make sure I am giving myself the accurate answers.  I am my own parent and always have been, after I reached the age of majority and began to give myself permission.  I don’t want to trip any more than necessary; I want to be able to fully rely upon myself with clear intention.  

I guess when I look back, there really aren’t any surprises as to where I was at any given time…I was following my subtle dictates and desires and whims, without thinking twice as to the wisdom of my actions.  It’s again another Freedom of the Choices that I recognize now I will make with  more attention and clarity of mind toward my REAL INTENTION TO MY LIFE.

There really doesn’t have to be a ‘flip side’ to life, if I steadfastly hold onto the helm of my ship!  My internal compass knows exactly where I want to be headed.  No more unspoken words to myself!  I am capable of giving myself straightforward responses to my straightforward questions.  Straightforward from the heart receives straightforward from Source Energy, My Gaya.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t speak for others, but as much as I’d like to be able to claim, “……Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn!”, I’d be lying if I said this was true!  I don’t want to be affected by others’  less than complimentary  or dismissive actions toward me but, admittedly, I have allowed myself to be affected.

I live  in the ‘in-life’ and  online worlds, and either way, as much as I strive to do my best, and hope others see it…and as much as I continue to gain self-confidence and self-worth and value, and self-fulfillment, knowing full well that all of my strength of self comes from WITHIN.…I accept I will always be fighting the Good Fight of Faith, so to speak, toward  FEELING  the TRUTHIt is ONLY MY approval and respect and acceptance and complete love of myself that counts!

I am in the process of dissecting a dynamic within myself where I CHOOSE and PICK certain people whose attention or opinions ABOUT ME MATTER MORE THAN PRESUMABLY MY OWN!  I know this is quite a public admission!

Here she goes again, writing out loud…she’s  getting to the nitty-gritty now and we’re so very proud of her!  No question, she has been hearing us, and she is letting us show her that nothing will ever be [as she has expressed in the past] her “Kodiak Bear”!  We admire how she keeps clearing her Forever Pathway of Life.                          ~Gaya

Fact:  Everyone whom I know is a human being.  Everyone is endowed with the same feelings.  Everyone has achieved so much in their lifetime and they are capable of achieving much more if they’d care to.  Everyone has frailties and fears which they never express to others.  Everyone is Blessed by virtue of their Creation.    Everyone hits their finger with the hammer.  Everyone cries alone sometimes and doesn’t share their grief.  Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are – Sometimes they are and sometimes they are not.  Everyone has been insulted and scorned in public at one time or another. Everyone feels they are not good enough from time-to-time and they try to hide it.  Everyone has risen from the ashes of their lives again and again.

EVERYONE deserves No More  honor or respect or love FROM Me than I GIVE TO MYSELF!

All the more reason to take a fresh look in the mirror and give myself a warm welcome into a renewed enjoyment of the privilege of living my life, and begin to honor myself  MORE FULLY.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 

And  so it happens…I am led to open up my blog and begin!  I am already led and I am following.

Awareness is so interesting.  It is a feeling, it is a knowing, and it is such an ‘insider thing’.  It is not something I can easily share with anyone because it relies upon intimacy, and laying myself out so vulnerable.  It is sharing a piece of me that is so deep within, I can hardly give it definition, but it is worth this try.

Years ago, I coined a phrase:  Everything is as Unimportant as it is Important.  Now and then this comes into my thinking…like today…and the truth of it rings much louder.  It is almost deafening.

As I continue to learn how to live in the NOW,  I am getting better at dropping off  ‘stuff’ which has absolutely no place in the NOW.   I’m becoming more keen about where I want to be emotionally, i.e.,  Happy with Myself, Joyful about my Life.   The essence of my Character is looming very relevant.  I don’t have to prove anything to myself or anyone else anymore.  Now is the time for me to mine the gold that is ME beneath the layers and masks while I continue to peel away.

I have come to love the word Release!  There is a feeling of  Willingness that accompanies it…as in releasing a bird to flight, letting go of the string to a balloon, sending a child off on their own, riding a two-wheeler for the first time.

Finally, I think I can jump off the high-wire of life that has held me back from really enjoying the simplest of things while enjoying the privilege of living my life.  

Speaking only for myself, of course, being a hip-shooter is pretty exciting… I switched up life whenever I thought I was bored, or needed some action!   I realize now that it is  the other side of the same coin of being ‘on stage’... I wasn’t good enough, unless I ‘performed for an audience’…I couldn’t just be myself!  I don’t care how I came to be this way, but I do care that this is NOT WHO I AM! 

This current observation isn’t a night-and-day  “ah ha” moment for me. It is, however, an affirmation that I have been on the right track for quite a while now, and  my onion peeling has been totally worthwhile and will continue to be so.

Getting back to the Awareness of it all….Life is becoming pretty darned comfortable.

Blessed Be.  To All Be Blessed.

 We are never away.  You have come with us, as we have come with you.       ~Gaya